[Frank]

Hey, my name’s Frank, I’m 27, and I have been arguing a lot with my girlfriend lately. Even in very small things like what we are going to eat, where we will go or whether we’ll go out on a date, etc. blows up into bigger fights. Sometimes it feels like we are just waiting for the other to say something wrong.
I don’t want my relationship with my girlfriend to fall apart but these constant fights are exhausting and I’m worried it’s starting to hurt what we got. I know some of it’s me reacting badly at the moment but I also feel like we are stuck in this cycle and neither of us knows how to break it.
I want to reduce our arguments and handle them in a way that neither of us ends up frustrated.. How do you even stop constantly arguing before it ruins a relationship?

[Karyll Jane]

If you want to reduce how often you argue, start by controlling your own emotions. Always try to calm yourself first and hold back from saying anything hurtful, especially when you’re angry. One of you needs to give way and try to understand the situation so things don’t escalate. As the man, you can take the lead by staying calm and being more understanding toward your girlfriend.

[Gerald23]

Simple, it should be give and take. It shouldn’t be just one person always getting their way, you should both be considered. It can’t be a mindset where you always think you’re right; you also need to learn how to give in sometimes.
Both of you should know how to adjust. It shouldn’t be that once you say what you want, it has to be followed no matter what. Support each other’s interests. Try doing the things the other person enjoys, even if it’s not what you’re used to. Instead of arguing about it, turn it into bonding time.
And most importantly, don’t make small problems bigger than they are. You’re not kids anymore, you know what’s right and wrong, and what’s shallow and what’s serious.

[Arslan]

Is this a relationship or a court case? If you’re waiting for the words to fall out of each other’s mouths just so you can say “Aha! Caught!”, then brother, you both have considered each other not partners, but enemies.
You say you’re tired, but the truth is that as long as you both have the habit of “winning”, this fatigue will never end. There is no “winner” in a relationship; either both win or both lose. Right now, you’re both prepared to lose.
Frank, if you want to save the relationship, you’re going to have to be a little “big guy”. Stop reacting blindly and start learning how actually to respond. And if both of you are enjoying fighting, then rent a boxing ring, at least there are rules there!
AskApril, what’s your take?

[Member]

Posts