[aquariangirl]

well Hello,I am a muslim girl who’s 19 years old,I need you to counsel me about something which really stays me up all night First..I used not to wear Hijab at the age of 15 and you know it is must in Islam I also had bad pals but i was not that bad girl,i was preservative and kinda serious anyway I knew a guy who was dying for me and I felt that he truly liked me but I did not care about him and I started to talk to other guys that he warned me not to speak with ( he was right ),I blocked him and I left him,he tried to reach me for a whole week but I ignored him,after that week I found him getting a girlfriend although he told me that he’s not that type of guys who get a girlfriend ! ( girlfriends is Haram in Islam ) I was surprised and shocked but I did not blame him it’s his own life

Anyway I saw him by accident at a school’s party,he saw me and I saw him we were sharing eye cues but he acted like he does not care anymore therefore I felt so down and I cried when I came back home..I dunno why ..perhaps I liked him

But the surprise that his best friend admired me so much and I liked him too but that guy who I knew and who ignored me told him not to talk to me and he warned him..so that guy went away and kept aloof from me,I felt so depressed…

At the age of 17 I met these guys again and we said hello to each other I felt that both of them were so into me so I was so messed up and I could not decide which one i like… But that guy that I used to know at the age of 15 never showed that he liked me,he always acted as a careless one…BUT he was always tense with me and uptight .. he told me while screaming that i was like his sister but i found him going everytime i go to the café where I like to sit..and when his best friend goes to that café,he always told him I AM COMING WITH YOU… his friend told me directly that he likes me so I told him same here but I am muslim and you’re too…so I can’t love a person except my futuristic husband… he blocked me i dunno why .. the guy i used to know at 15 told me that I am a player and both of them stopped talking to me and i deleted them

well here I am 19 years old I still remember them but I feel the pain of conscience..did I hurt them or I hurt the guy who I knew at the age of 15 ?? i truly tried to talk to him when i was 18.. I sent him message on FB telling him How are you..He answered I am fine and you? I told him listen I really remembered you and I would like to befriend you .. If you don’t want it just say it but without being mad and I would disappear from your life forever.. He answered me with a vulgar way WHAT DO YOU WANT why you want to be my friend? I don’t want to be your friend!!!! why would I even accept you as my friend?!!!!!!
I zipped my lips like a padlock and I stopped talking … I thought he would block me on Internet but he did not ( by the way he’s not on my friends list )

But i feel like i’ve hurt him.. what should I do ? I truly dont like both of them anymore but feel like I may had feelings for that guy who I knew at the age of 15.. I dunno maybe I don’t.. I am messed up .. should I send a message to his best friend telling him to tell the guy i knew at the age of 15 that I am sorry? and that I won’t talk to him again? should I apologize and tell them that they don’t have to answer me just read the apology ?

what do you think? He’s a Capricorn by the way and I am an Aquarius girl..his friend is a Leo … I am 19 years old..Both of them are between 21 and 22 years old

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’ll answer your questions individually, but first I want to help you with something you may not know: Men and women can’t be friends. It’s too confusing and too complicated, so don’t try and befriend a man. One of you will like the other more at some point and it just creates chaos and hurt feelings.

Next, please know that I’m not that familiar with Muslim culture, but I know that it has some specific traditions, and you have to figure out how much of traditional muslim culture you want to follow and how much of modern culture you want to follow. I know it can be difficult when you live in two worlds, but it’s important for you to be conscious of your decisions. You can change your mind, but do so consciously. 😉

[quote]did I hurt them or I hurt the guy who I knew at the age of 15 ??[/quote]

Maybe you did. Maybe you didn’t — but that was over 4 years ago. You’re 19. They’re in their early 20s. It’s time for you to let go of the past and move on.

[quote]what should I do ? I truly dont like both of them anymore but feel like I may had feelings for that guy who I knew at the age of 15.. [/quote]

You should do nothing. Don’t friend them on the internet. Don’t contact them again. Look towards the future and find new friends to socialize with so you’re not so focused on your past. 🙂

[quote]should I send a message to his best friend telling him to tell the guy i knew at the age of 15 that I am sorry? [/quote]

No. You should not engage with them. They don’t want to interact with you, so let go and move on.

[quote]and that I won’t talk to him again? [/quote]

No. Telling someone you won’t talk to him again is doing the opposite of that. 😉 Just move on.

[quote]should I apologize and tell them that they don’t have to answer me just read the apology ?[/quote]

No. Stop interacting with people who aren’t interested in you. Find people who are. 🙂

I hope that helps!

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[aquariangirl]

well would you answer me the same answer if I were not a muslim? I mean lets say that i am not a muslim so i could talk to them for example? I dont know lemme be honest with you i think i am kinda into the guy i knew at the age of 15 ,what if i sent to his friend a msg telling him i am sorry?? What would happen? What are your predictions? do you think that may get married with me or it’s impossible? That there’s no hope? I am lonely in my life and i did noy find any guy till now that i admired like that guy.. I don’t know..you know in our cultutres it’s really difficult to know new people especially guys so what do you think? I am really sad

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]well would you answer me the same answer if I were not a muslim? [/quote]

Yes.

[quote]I mean lets say that i am not a muslim so i could talk to them for example? [/quote]

Yes, I’d still give you the same advice.

[quote]I dont know lemme be honest with you i think i am kinda into the guy i knew at the age of 15 ,what if i sent to his friend a msg telling him i am sorry?? What would happen? [/quote]

It doesn’t make any sense for you to contact the friend of someone you liked four years ago. It’s too indirect and it’s going to create miscommunication. The advice I give women who like a man, is to flirt with him, and to let him know by flirting that you’re interested. If he wants to ask you out on a date, then he will. If he doesn’t, he won’t. But talking to a man’s friend is too gossipy and round about.

[quote]What are your predictions? do you think that may get married with me or it’s impossible? That there’s no hope? [/quote]

I think it’s a long shot. If these guys are interested in you, you’ll know. But they haven’t really expressed interest. It sounds more like you’re trying to drum up some feelings that don’t exist. So, no — right now, from what you’ve written, it does not sound like there’s hope of their marrying you. 😳

[quote]I am lonely in my life and i did noy find any guy till now that i admired like that guy.. I don’t know..you know in our cultutres it’s really difficult to know new people especially guys so what do you think? I am really sad[/quote]

I’m very sorry you’re sad. That’s coming through loud and clear. You also sound lonely. My advice is to use the channels that exist in your culture to meet men — whether it’s meeting them socially at events or gatherings, or asking your family for advice, and having them fix you up, or introduce you to men who are eligible and interesting.

I hope that helps. 😉

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