[Goutham89]

Hi, I am 25(M) years old broke up with my ex (19F) but we agreed to be as friends. It is hard to be friends even we had some arguments. The thing is soon I am going to move to other country for a job, in between I need a place to stay as I am going to vacate my current place. My ex offered her place for few weeks to share with her as we are still friends. I still have feelings for her and a small hope that we will be back together in future. At the same time I am afraid if I live with her she looses that whatever small attraction towards me. I need advice on this whether to proceed with her offer or not ? Thanking you in advance and looking forward to hear from you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s not a good idea to live with an ex simply because you’re between apartments — especially when you’re hoping to leverage housing into romance. 😉 My advice is to thank her for the offer and find somewhere else to live. You can also pursue her if you want to get back together, but by living elsewhere, there’s no confusion that you’re just an overly friendly roommate. Keep things clear, and you’ll have an easier time of it.

Hope that helps.

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[Goutham89]

Thanks April for the advice 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Ethan Morales]

Living with an ex when you still have feelings for them is a bad idea, plain and simple. It blurs boundaries and creates confusion for both of you. Even if she’s genuinely offering out of kindness, your hope that it might rekindle something makes the arrangement risky. You’ll be in a constant state of “what if,” and it’s likely to mess with both your emotions and hers.

The smart move is to politely decline and find another place to stay. That way, your intentions stay clear, and any pursuit of getting back together can happen without the complications of forced proximity. Distance here isn’t just safe. it actually strengthens your chances of having a healthy, intentional relationship if it’s meant to be.

[Tara]

You’re trying to tiptoe around: he’s not “afraid of getting hurt,” he’s afraid of committing to you. That line about past pain is the oldest excuse in the bookit keeps you patient, loyal, and emotionally invested while he keeps his distance. A year in, a man knows exactly how he feels. If he’s not in love with you by now, it’s because he doesn’t see you as someone he could fall in love with, but he likes you enough to keep you around for comfort, attention, and stability.

You’re growing deeper feelings. He’s maintaining emotional arm’s length. You’re imagining a future. He’s making sure he has an exit. The imbalance is already there, and you feel it that sick, heavy disappointment isn’t confusion, it’s your instincts screaming that you’re pouring more into someone who has zero intention of meeting you at your level.

You want a plan? Here it is: stop waiting for him to “heal” into loving you. That’s not how healing works, and it’s definitely not how men operate. Either accept that this is the emotional ceiling he’s offering, which will eat you alive, or walk away before you waste more time hoping he’ll become a man he’s already told you he’s not.

The worst thing you can do is keep investing in someone who’s already warned you he can’t give you what you want. He’s not confused. He’s comfortable. And you’re the one paying for it.

[Sally]

It’s really hard to act cool around someone you still care about, especially when you’re under the same roof. I’ve tried staying friends with an ex while we still had feelings, and honestly, it made every little moment feel heavier than it needed to be.

Living with her for a few weeks might sound harmless, but it could mess with your head. You’ll be close enough to hope again, but not close enough to actually be with her. That kind of in-between space hurts more than people admit.

If you’re about to start a whole new chapter in another country, you might need a cleaner break, not a softer landing. Just think about what will make leaving easier, not harder.
It’s okay to take care of your heart first.

[Natalie Noah]

It makes perfect sense why this situation feels so heavy, you still care about her, you’re hopeful, and you’re also scared of losing the last bit of connection that’s left. But living with her right now would blur every emotional boundary you’re trying to protect. When two people have recently broken up, especially with feelings still alive on one side, sharing a home doesn’t keep things simple, it intensifies everything. You’d be hoping that closeness might bring you back together, while at the same time constantly worrying about whether you’re being “too much” or “not enough.” That kind of emotional tension can actually push her further away, not pull her closer.

What you need most right now is clarity. clarity for your own heart, and clarity for the future you’re about to build in a new country. Staying somewhere else lets you keep your dignity, your stability, and your emotional balance. And if the two of you ever do get another chance at a relationship, it’s much more likely to grow from healthy distance than from forced closeness. Accept her kindness, but not the offer. Protect your heart a little here. You deserve that.

[Member]

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