[Anonymous]

First of. Im 41, been married twice, and had an ex fiance…. I do wear my heart on my sleeve, think the best until they prove me wrong… Now my dilemma… I met a woman 4 weeks ago, things were going well.. Sent her poems, which she loved, And we went out a few times.. (She has kids and her mom just had surgery.) So she can see me when she has a chance…. I was fine with that… She never gave me any doubt.. I started to fall in love, I told her… She was amazed…. She told me about her past, and how she was treated like shit… I never judge people on there past anyways, always present actions…. She started to open up allot. Then out of the blue.. She was swamped with everything… Kids, work, her mom… I understood.. Then she said she needed a break to deal with it, and she thought she was ready for a relationship, but wasn’t….. Yes, I was hurt…. Very hurt.. I dont fall in love everyday, and when I do, I do… And I haven’t been in love for over three years.. Yes, It does take awhile for me… Now, she said she wants to be friends for now, and maybe after everything is done. We can get back to us…. We both have a facebook, and she hasn’t deleted me???? Im not used to being friends with an ex. They always said they wanted to, but never did… So, I don’t know…. I do text on occasions to make sure her mom is doing better, and to see how she is.. I never get a reply…. Am I being used, or what….. Im so confused… Its hard to think that she is just keeping me around in case someone else doesn’t work out…. I did open up so much to her, so yea!!! I feel weak… People say get over it, she used you, delete her, whatever…. Sometimes I want to believe in second chances.. Not happened yet, but I do believe.. What should I do.. Stop texting, writing… Its hard….

Thx

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me clear up your confusion for you. You’re not being used. You’re being rejected. She’s not interested. By saying she wants to be friends, she’s trying to let you down easily — not use you or keep you around.

Second of all, your idea that she’s keeping you around and taking advantage of your friendship is a victim position. You get to come and go as you please. If you want to stick around and be her friend, then you should take responsibility for that behavior. If you want to move on and make a clean break of things so your own emotions aren’t kept hanging on a “what if” string, then take responsibility for that decision. But you’re free to move around as you see fit for you! 🙂

Lastly, keeping in touch to make sure her mother is okay is nice guy behavior, and guess what? Nice guys finish last. You’ve only known her for four weeks, so you’re not an old buddy or a close friend. You’re a guy she dated with whom it didn’t work out. Don’t contact her unless you’re dating. That’s my advice.

You should read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for men who want to win with women. You can buy it at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, or right here at this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. You’ll get a lot out of this book and it will steer you onto the right dating track.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and follow me on Twitter @AskAprilcom (no dot!) as well as on AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

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