Dear April,
I have been in a relationship for about two years now. I have some major trust issues. I think it may have stemmed from the way we met. I met him while he was living with his ex. They were supposedly broken up and he was just transitioning from that living situation. I did not fully believe him but we spent a lot of time together and was together until late in the night and I did not see the signs that they were together (i.e. phone on vibrate or silent, taking phone calls in the other room, avoiding talking to me when he was home). After a few weeks he moved out and now we live together.
I don’t want to focus only on the bad I want you to know about him so you can give me your true opinion. He is the most supportive man I know. Since I have met him my life has improved in so many ways because he takes a genuine interest in me. I am back in school going for a graduate degree, my financial situation and credit is better than it has been in a long time, I have a promotion at my job and a better handle on other aspects of my life. He pushes me to do these things despite me being a chronic procrastinator. We also travel a lot and I think we have a good relationship. I really love him; we can talk about anything, have similar interest, and laugh at each other’s (corny) jokes. I feel like our relationship and love with each other grows stronger and stronger. Well…here comes the bad.
I think that he is cheating. He has a chauvinistic way of thinking, and he feels like if he was cheating it should not be important to me as long as he keeps me happy, even though he swears that he is completely faithful. Well over the two years I have constantly caught him communicating with his ex. There were text messages in his phone that she sent to him, saying how she wishes things were different and misses him. Somehow she knows my full name and announces it to him. I caught him sending an email to her in June saying that he still loved her, he says that he did not mean it and gave me an elaborate story that he was scheming when he sent it. I told him to tell me if she ever responds or contacts him again which he agreed. Since then he has a current picture of her daughter in his wallet, but he can’t remember when he got it. And just recently I saw that she has sent him pictures of herself, not obscene pictures, but he saved them. When I asked him about it he gave me the usual story that she contacts him on a regular basis to tries to get back with him but he always ignores her. He says he accidently saved the pictures.
He is with me every night and I talk to him every day. He says he doesn’t have time to cheat and I am crazy for making up stories and looking through his things. He says he loves me and he wouldn’t hurt me and she doesn’t mean anything to him. That she is just sending him texts and pictures and he never responds. I asked him to call her in front of me and tell her to stop but he says that he will not. I will admit that I am wrong for violating his space but every time I look I find something. Am I crazy? Or do the signs of him cheating as clear as I see them.
