[Amber26]

I work with this guy, we have known each other about 3 months but really been talking a lot the last 2 months. There is chemistry, positive body language, awesome conversations, lots of stuff in common, same values & dreams, etc. He would sometimes suggest doing stuff together but never would come out and ask me out (could be because he doesn’t have a car) and didn’t give me his number or ask for mine. Finally a few days ago I decided I am taking this to the next level, if he’s not going to. I took the safe bet and just added him on Facebook. 2 hours later he accepted, and immediately he sent me a picture, Alex Gray’s “One” which is two people facing each other with the tops of their heads connected. We messaged back and forth for about 4 hours. He told me I was a beautiful person with a very beautiful personality and he said he was sad that i have never experienced love. (I have had a long term relationship and dated a few others but never felt actual real love for any of them).

When I got up the next day, he had left me a message saying he really enjoyed talking with me and he would like to get to know me better and he gave me his number and told me to call him when I want to get together. I texted him with my number. He told me he can’t stop thinking about this amazing dream he had but he wouldn’t tell me what it was about right then, he said to remind him later and he’ll tell me. He then had to call his daughter (she’s 9 and lives with her mom, this guy and he haven’t been together since she was born). Anyway, I asked what he was doing all weekend, he said nothing other than visiting his daughter. Since he was going to call her right then, I figured he would be with her all day. So I made plans with my friends. He didn’t say anything more after the part about the dream, and my message was last so I didnt want to send more.

I hadn’t heard from him but wanted to let him know I was free today if he wanted to hang out, since he told me to let him know when I was around. I texted him at 3 pm and he didn’t reply until 6 saying his plans fell through to see his daughter, he tried all weekend and they were either busy or ignored his messages. Then he said he would have loved to get together tonight if he had gotten my message sooner. I thought ‘obviously he was checking his phone, he was waiting to hear back from his daughter’s mom’ so you can’t tell me he didn’t see my text in 3 hours. Well either way, he said he had to get up early tomorrow so he’s going to bed early. So the whole weekend went by and he didn’t do anything but wait for his plans to work out with his daughter. I just can’t help but think he could have messaged me later on after he knew she wouldn’t be around (Saturday night I mean), and how could he not have seen my message earlier when he told me he was waiting for a message from them? It just seems like Friday night he was so talkative and excited about hanging out, then when he actually got a few chances, nothing happened.

Am I reading too much into this and expecting too much too soon, or does it sound like he’s not really as interested as I thought?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s not that interested — and he may have a girlfriend. Otherwise, he would have asked you out already. If he wants to take you out, he will — and you’re right. He could have contacted you and asked you to do something together, but he didn’t. My advice is to back off and let him take the lead. It may be frustrating, but it will also give you a clear idea of where you stand with him. 😉 And if he does miss hearing from you, then he can reach out and ask you out. Try not to make it too easy for him not to date you. In other words, if you’re reaching out to him and letting him know you’re free, you’re taking the opportunity away from to make the first move — and if he does, awesome, but if he doesn’t, then he’s just not that interested in spite of how nice he is to you.

[Member]

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