[Anonymous]

Hello:

I’ve been in an intimate relationship with a man for almost 6 years…I’m 68 & he’s 81. It’s been a very fun time and we’ve been very close. But, we’ve taken a bit of a break…I’ve been a bit bored with doing the same things all the time. We were talking on the phone last night and his daughter-in-law called through. He called me back to share the Super Bowl on the phone together and he told me what they said on the phone….she called to see how he was doing (he said). He said he “was kidding” with his daughter-in-law on the phone when she said she saw him at Walgreen’s and what was he doing. He said to her “I was buying you a bra and panties for Valentine’s Day.”….and he laughed. I am not a prude in ANY way….but I don’t think this is appropriate conversation for a father-in-law OR between him and ANY woman really….especially a family member. I would NEVER talk this way to my daughter’s husband. I’ve also heard him say things to his grandson’s wife that I would NEVER say to a family member….not ‘dirty’….just suggestive kidding (in my opinion). I’ve known this man for years….since I was 14…he’s my ex-husband’s brother. So it’s not like I’ve only known him for this 6 years. We were all close as a family when our kids were growing up. But we NEVER joked around like that. Am I just being jealous or ‘choking on gnats’ or am I on target? Just wanted some other opinions…and I haven’t said anything to him about it. I laughed too…but really didn’t think it was funny. This is really bugging me. I want a man with values….not a ‘dirty old man’. But, he daughter doesn’t think there is anything wrong with this kind of talk….she says it’s just in fun. Maybe I’ve just had a different way of having “family fun” than talk like that. I think my kids would definitely REALLY say something harsh to me if I EVER joked in this way to my family. What do you think about this? Thank you!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

His comment was entirely inappropriate. Your job is to not enable this behavior. If he says something lecherous, instead of laughing, draw a line and explain that this is not something you want to hear.

That said, I think that his bad behavior is probably not new, and because you’re off and on with him, you’re more sensitive to things he does that bother you. His daughter in law probably decided to pick her battles and keep the family dynamic easy going at the expense of his perverse remarks.

I hope that helps you understand what’s going on.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

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