[Anonymous]

My husband and I got married almost 6 months ago, while I was pregnant with our first child. After having my daughter 3 months ago I feel terrible about my appearance. I still have about 15 pounds of baby weight to lose, I got a TON of stretch marks, my boobs are saggy, all the usual complaints of postpartum women. I’m having a really hard time accepting my new body and feeling comfortable and confident with myself and I think it’s really starting to impact my relationship.

I didn’t used to be jealous when we were first dating, until this girl he knew through a mutual friend began flirting with him. I don’t believe he was flirting back and when I confronted him about it bothering me he immediately stopped talking to her, but it made me start to question if I could trust him not to cheat. After a while of nothing like that happening again we were fine, until I found pornographic pictures in the history of his laptop. I know that that’s not really cheating, but I FELT cheated in some way that he was actively looking for pictures or videos of other women and I felt like I wasn’t good enough and he wasn’t satisfied with just me. Now, this especially hurt because our sex life has always been fantastic and even through my pregnancy we were having sex pretty much every day, so I also started to believe he was just getting bored with me. When I asked him, he denied all of this and said that “it was just something to look at”. Unfortunately I don’t understand this logic and it still baffles me to this day.

My insecurities about my body coupled with the fact that now I’m paranoid that he’s watching porn and looking at other girls has begun to pretty much drive me insane. It’s to the point where if I see a girl out in public or even on tv that I think is attractive I immediately get upset and mad and don’t want him to see her. I don’t think it’s so much that I think he’s going to cheat on me, and I do trust him 100% on that, it’s just that I get really depressed thinking that he could be attracted to another girl or think someone is more attractive than me. I hate thinking that he would be happier if I looked like someone else. This obviously is causing A LOT of strain on our relationship and he thinks that it’s something HE did to make me feel like this, when in reality I don’t think it has as much to do with him as it does my own insecurities.

Is it normal to feel this way? Am I blowing things way out of proportion and reading into it too much?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to stop projecting your problems onto your husband because if you don’t, you WILL create a secondary problem. Your real problem is how you feel about yourself. It’s understandable that you have baby weight to lose. Almost everyone who has a baby still has weight to lose at three months post partum and sometimes up to a year post partum. You’re not alone in this situation, but instead of focusing on that issue and doing something about it, you’re allowing it to get the best of you.

Join a gym and get to working there. If you can’t afford a gym or YMCA membership, start walking, running, swimming or whatever exercise you can get that’s free. Eat healthy, but cut down on caloric sweets and other things that don’t help you — or your baby if you’re breast feeding. Ask your physician for help in coming up with a plan to lose your weight safely and healthfully — and realistically. And don’t forget — good sex can be a real calorie burner! 😎

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go as you focus on YOU and not HIM. You can follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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