When you say you want him to “be here” every night, you have to understand that it’s unreasonable for you to think he won’t have relationships with his own friends, family and other buddies, so he should be able to go about on his own — that’s just healthy.
What’s not healthy is the situation you’re describing with him living at his mother’s house his entire 31 years of life, when he has a relationship and a baby with you. You’re not wrong to want him to live with you and your child together as a family. Adults leave their parents, normally, in order to create new families. This happens all the time. That’s what he should be doing — IF he wants a normal relationship with you.
What he’s making clear is that he doesn’t want that, and you’re having trouble accepting it.
The bigger problem is that you’ve chosen a guy with some serious issues, and you need to decide whether or not to stay with him. I don’t think you are going to be able to get him to leave his mother’s house the way you’d like to. So my advice to you is to file for child support with the court, and make this legal arrangement the basis for your relationship, which is not married or living together.
His mother is treating him like he’s still a little boy — don’t you fall into that same trap. If he can’t man up on his own, then you need to be the one to treat him like a man by accepting his living with his mother, and taking care of your child’s legal rights because that child has at least one grown up as a parent. Maybe that will be the wake up call he needs.
I hope that helps!
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