[grapekiss]

About 2 months ago I met a guy who are from out of town. His family knows my family. We hung out for that one time he came to visit and he started texting me a couple days later. He’s 31 and I’m 24. We both got out of serious relationship a couple months before we met each other, and are both dating type (his past relationship lasted 6 years). After 3,4 weeks of texting, we started talking to each other on the phone and facetime if we can, and it’s usually from 9, 10pm till 3,4am. We always had a good time talking to each other and we really enjoyed the conversations. We are both very attracted to each other emotionally and sexually. We also had phone sex twice, and he said it was very satisfying, of course not as satisfying as if he could be able to be with me, but still.
His work can be crazy busy since it’s his family business and it requires most of his time, and i’ve shown that i’m very understanding by never over texting unless it’s at night time when we’re both free. I also don’t ask about when the next time we can meet again because i don’t want to appear needy or rushing this. He told me he booked a hotel room for a few days on New Year though, because that’s when he’s done with the business. We did talk about what we wanted to do together on New Year’s Eve, but nothing has been decided.
He did say lots of things like how he appreciated me being very honest and open, because that’s the keys for a relationship to work. When i told him about guys asking to go on dates with me, he said he wouldn’t want me to go on dates. I told him i’ll be waiting patiently when I’m not patient ever, he said thank you for being patient and waiting for him. Everything was going well, but lately we don’t text as much anymore, and I completely understand that it’s not necessary to be texting and phone calling all the time plus he’s busy.But all of sudden after our last facetime and a couple texts the day after, he stopped texting for a few days until I texted him asking how’s he doing today. He replied saying he’s been hard at work. Later at night I called him but he didn’t pick up. Texted me later said that he was watching his game. The lack of communication is starting to worry me. Though I know what I have now with him is nothing, but he’s a very responsible grown man (which is said and approved by my family, whom have never approved any guy I dated), and I believe that he wouldn’t just leave me hanging because he said didn’t want to waste any of our time if he weren’t interested. But then again, I don’t know anything for sure. What should I do? Am i waiting on nothing? I keep telling myself if he’s so worth the wait and is a potential to be my man, then there’s nothing I need to worry about. Am i just starting to let my emotions flowing way too much and overthinking everything that he isn’t interested anymore? Or this whole thing has been me and myself putting my hope up high, and i’m getting way too stressed over nothing?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know you’re hoping that this is a romance that will play out, but it’s fizzled. 😳 Here’s what you can learn for future:

* Just because someone is a family friend, doesn’t mean he’s ready for a relationship with you — or that he’s a good romantic prospect. It’s great to have family approval, but the truth is that your family didn’t date him. They can’t vouch for his character as a boyfriend. He will probably always be a great family friend, but that doesn’t mean he’s your Mr. Right. It’s good to have the approval of family, to meet his friends and see what they’re like, and even to know about his past romances because those are all ways to learn more about him. But each one is just one opinion, one approval, and on their own, they shouldn’t be taken as a blanket “go for it”. 😉 Definitely appreciate and consider the approvals, but you have to do your own diligence — and that’s what the dating process is for. 😉 It almost sounds like you banked on their approval before doing your work. Dating is a process to get to know each other and decide if you’re right or not. 😀 You can’t count on things too soon. You have to use the process.

* When someone is on the rebound, they’re not necessarily ready for a commitment. You said that you’d both gotten out of serious relationships a few months before meeting — his was a 6 year relationship. That’s when you should be wary of being the rebound relationship.

* You should alway play the field for at least the first three months of dating anyone, and not assume any commitment — or try to get one. Even when someone is a family friend, you should understand that dating is different than family friendship. Use the first three months of dating anyone to simply decide if he’s someone you want to continue dating. If you do that, you won’t feel so hurt or desperate if he decides this isn’t the relationship for him. When you told him other men were asking you out, you put him in a tough spot. You were trying to get a commitment from him,and it backfired. I’m not saying that this would definitely have worked out if you hadn’t done that — because you may have decided you weren’t right for each other, anyway — but by telling him about these other men asking you out, you were manipulating the situation, so that he had to tell you to date other guys or not to date other guys. You forced him to define the relationship instead of letting it play out. I’m guessing that didn’t sit well with him. But what was more hurtful to yourself was trying to convince yourself that by you giving up other guys he was tacitly and mutually giving up other girls — and that meant it was all going to work out. 🙁 I know that you want commitment and you don’t want to be hurt — especially after a relationship has recently ended — but you have to allow relationships to play out. You can do your part by knowing yourself, and dating well (by using these tips, above), but you also have to see if the two of you are right for each other without any pressure. 😉 Especially in the beginning.

I hope this helps, and that you’ll move on and accept some of those dates you’d turned down recently. 😀

[Member]

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