[ploptheowl]

I am 27 year old woman and I have been with my partner for nearly 11 years, we are recently engaged. The truth is I don’t want to be with him I have been thinking about this for 2 years and there are no two ways about it, of course I love him he is my best friend, but I am in no way attracted to him anymore and I know myself this isn’t “forever” for me. I know I shouldn’t have said yes to the engagement but I was caught off guard.

Now what to do next? I am not scared of being alone as in being lonely I can occupy myself, but I have never been alone as an adult I’m afraid of only having me to fall back on I hate relying on people but you do to a certain extent when you’ve been with them for years and secondly I have no idea how I’d break it to him I feel so guilty and horrible but I’ve been battling with myself for years, staying with him because I feel guilty.

I know what I HAVE to do just have no idea how to do it, sorry for the essay but can anyone relate? Tell me of their experiences or just offer advice?

Thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve got three problems. 1) You want to break up with your fiancee. 2) You agreed to get married when you didn’t really want to so now you have to explain that and break the engagement. 3) You have to deal with your fears of being single.

The best way to break up with your fiancee is to do it quickly and soon. Think of it like pulling off a bandaid. It hurts a lot but then it’s done. The longer you put it off, the worse it will be. As for breaking off the engagement, be honest. You owe your fiancee that. And as for your fear of being single, you have to face it and walk through it. We’re all dependent to some extent. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just the way life is. You’ll have a transition going from a long-term relationship to being single, but you don’t really have a different option that’s healthy at this point. Discomfort isn’t bad. It just means you have opportunity to change. 😉

I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Member]

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