[mandy401]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. He’s 25, I’m 28.

He is the best boyfriend I’ve ever had in so many ways. He’s thoughtful, patient, flattering, sensitive. He treats me really well and has never criticized me, yelled at me, or behaved cruelly. We have a lot in common, and share hobbies. He’s 100% committed to me and I’ve never once worried about him cheating, lying, or misleading me. I know that he loves me, he tells me all the time.

While he’s a wonderful boyfriend, I worry that in other aspects of his life, he’s not so wonderful.

Before I met him, he had a difficult, demanding job for years and got burnt out. Now, he just wants to work long enough to make money, then live off those savings. I want to work at my career, he’s very critical of “office drones” and “workaholics,” having been one himself. He’s good with money and never goes into debt, but the lack of ambition worries me.

We both work in jobs that we can do anywhere. We’ve moved around a lot, just for the adventure. In fact, we met while working overseas. When we first met, we both wanted to move around and do contract work together, and I loved him for being so adventurous. Lately, however, I’ve been craving more stability. I’m getting tired of living out of suitcases, and I want to settle somewhere. I have great relationships with my friends and family, and don’t want to go long spells without seeing them anymore. He has a rockier relationship with his family, and is happy to do contract work and travel in between. I’ve tried to discuss this with him, but he doesn’t seem to be taking my concern seriously.

He was young when we first met, and I had hoped that over time, he would mature a little in his professional life, rebuild a strong work ethic, and want to settle in one place eventually. Now, almost three years later, I wonder if that’s just his nature, and I’m a fool for wanting him to change.

I love him and I love our relationship, but I need more stability in terms of living and work.

Is there any way to fix this situation?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your boyfriend is not the man you hope he’ll become one day. You’re risking wasting your time on someone who may never be other than he is now. The easier route in relationships is to be with someone who IS what you want him to be now and vice versa.

I think that this relationship may have run it’s course, but because the problem isn’t dramatic (involving betrayal or violence or financial debt), you’re having a hard time taking it seriously. After two and a half years, you’re now at an age when many women consider marriage, babies and settling down. You’ve mentioned the latter and hinted at the former. Your boyfriend, however, is not compatible for someone who wants to settle down and make a family.

You’re using excuses for not breaking up with him (he isn’t doesn’t yell, cheat or lie) thinking that if you found someone else, they may do one of those bad things to you. The problem you have is that they may not do those bad things to you. In fact, there are loads of good men who don’t yell, cheat or lie.

It’s great to have hobbies in common and a history of two and a half years that was sweet and romantic, but you’re looking at a future for yourself that isn’t the same one he sees for himself. Sometimes giving up mutual hobbies in exchange for a man who is ambitious at work and wants to settle down is a better deal.

Allow yourself to value your dreams and go for them. Just because he isn’t Mr. Wrong doesn’t mean he’s Mr. Right.

I hope that helps. Check me out and join me on Facebook at AskApril.com on Facebook — here’s the link: [url][/url]!

[Member]

Posts