[ladydawg22]

ok..this will take a minute to explain so bare with me!! Me and my boyfriend of 3 years are fixing to go through an awkward situation. about 6 months ago we took “the break” which lasted all of 2 months until we realized that we were sure that we couldn’t live without each other. he got extremely drunk one night and went to watch a movie over at a girl that i knew’s apt after being with some friends of ours. he ended up falling asleep and woke up with her on top of him (i know, what a friend huh? definately not friends now!) being as intoxicated as he was he didn’t think anything of it i guess but then realized what was going on. he immediately threw her off and asked her what she thought she was doing. she replied with “oh it’s ok i’m on birth control.” he proceeded to say “no it’s not ok me and em are fixing to work things out” so i guess you can get a hint of where this is going…

her due date is sunday and is fixing to have the baby…she obviously lied about the birth control and everything else josh asked her about. what makes the story interesting is that josh wasn’t the only guy she slept with and her due date doesn’t match up with when they “watched the movie” her probable conception is 3 weeks before. but she is oh so convinced it is his(and i would too considering the other possible fathers).

when i found all of this out, of course i was enraged, but guilty none the less for i had regrettably had a one night stand. yes i’m very ashamed but would’ve been a hypocrit if i went solely on that matter. i was more mad about the whole situation then him just having sex, which honestly if you ask me he got raped?? so i got over it and forgave him and he forgave me. we tried to reason with the girl (kristina is her name by the way) asking her how she just knew it was josh’s which she isn’t the brightest crayon in the box. she of course just said it was that she didn’t need to explain herself. we had set up a day to get an amnio (spell?) done for testing the dna and she bailed and avoided us. which apparently she had done with the other guys too when they wanted proof of it being their’s. whenever they were serious about getting the test done she just started avoiding them. i told her that we were trying to work this out somehow and she just quit talking. so i told her fine if she thought she could do this on her own then so be it, but to not try to contact us in the middle of the summer when the baby gets here. and somehow she got the guts to do it last night. this is what a message on FACEBOOK said, yes she didn’t even have the guts to call or even text him.

“hey just letting you know that your son will be here pretty soon and i really need you to text me so we can work going to court out we need to set a date other wise i will just pick one and they will serve you papers at your house so we need to get it all straightened out i would really appreciate it.Thanks!!”

as you can imagine he and i were furious. now here is the situation that i’m starting to have trouble with. we are PRETTY sure it’s not his and there will be a court ordered dna test to prove otherwise. but….if it is….i don’t know how to deal with that. i know couples go through these kind of things often but i never imagined that i would. josh is a wonderful person and loving boyfriend. we talk about getting married and having children and would have already done so if not that he’s finishing school. i do hair myself and am taking college courses but we aren’t waiting for me to get done because that would probably be 8 years from now…haha. i have never in my life wanted to hurt anyone but i literally feel like i want to kill this girl (hypothetically speaking…don’t really want to but you know what i mean!) josh is thinking about asking his parents for a loan so he can get a really good lawyer for this whole thing. everyone makes mistakes but i just don’t think this is fair for anyone right now. and i think i might have a breakdown. going to court to talk about the situation, having the test done, possibly having a future stepchild? but josh has already said he wants nothing to do with the kid but if it’s his he’ll do the right thing and pay his child support. i just dont know what to do! i love him with all my heart and vice versa. we had the perfect relationship. and i think if we make it through this we can definately make it through anything, but i don’t know how to react.

i guess that you really need to know that i am and will always love josh. yes he made a mistake, as did i. but i honestly think this girl trapped him on purpose. i’m mad, sad, depressed, enraged, upset, etc. i just am so emotional right now. the nightmare that i knew would come did and now i don’t know how to deal with it. i don’t want to lose josh but who knows what is going to happen in the next few weeks. please help me. i can’t talk to my parents about this because they don’t even know about the situation and are here for me, but this is something i honestly don’t want them to know about. josh’s parents know, but i would rather if my parents didn’t. sorry it’s so long it takes more than a few sentences to explain my situation. if you could just give me some advice of how to deal with this i guess?? i want to keep my cool but it is getting harder everyday.

thank you so much,
Emily

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have every right to feel all the feelings you have. This is a complicated situation because it involves a child. But since Kristina has already said she is planning to go to court to get a DNA test, and ostensibly to collect child support once the baby is here, you have to buckle up for some very grown up times ahead if you stay with Josh. She is a piece of work, and if this baby is Josh’s she’s going to be part of his life forever if he wants any part of the baby’s life, which I recommend he man up and shoulder.

Here are some things for you to think about:

First, Josh should do some research on your local court website about paternity cases. Find out what the local rules of your court are. Don’t be afraid to call the court and ask for help getting information. If you don’t understand, tell them to please explain it so you do understand. Find out how to get a paternity test ordered by the court since Kristina won’t agree to one.

Second, if the DNA test is positive and Josh is the baby’s father, he will be ordered by the court to pay child support. That’s a given, but remember that the support is based on his custody time share, and he has rights to have custody of the child if it’s his. It’s easy to abandon the child emotionally because he’s angry at the mother, but the bottom line is, she didn’t rape him. He got sloppy drunk and had sex with her and didn’t use a condom and made a baby. He is responsible. He may be this baby’s father. I know you don’t want to believe that, but you need to wake up and smell the coffee.

Josh can ask the court for half custody of the child and help raise it. This will be hard work. It will also cut his child support payment to Kristina in half. It will also give the child a father, and allow Josh and yourself, if you’re still with him, to parent this child. Believe me, Kristina will not be happy about handing her baby over to Josh every other week, or whatever the custody schedule is. She may think she has control now because the baby is in her body, but once the court gets involved, she’s going to lose control if Josh wants custody of his baby. Even if Josh decides to just ask for physical custody of the child every other weekend and one or two nights a week, it will contribute positively to the child’s life, probably cut down on Josh’s guilt, and it will reduce his child support payments.

In addition, the longer Josh waits to ask for custody of his child, if it is his, the harder it will be to get custody. One day in a couple of years, he may realize he wants to parent this child, and it will be too late. He’ll have to fight to get custody then, and he may or may not win because he originally abandoned the baby at birth. So he needs to make some very mature decisions in case the paternity test is positive and he is the father.

But the above is really all about him. What is of concern to me is that you haven’t told your parents. The reason is because you know they will be very disappointed and you don’t want to disappoint them. You know that no parents are going to want this situation for their daughter. My advice is for you to be honest and face the music. You need to hear what they have to say. You need support for your feelings and in your own decisions. And speaking of decisions, you need to decide if you want to stay with Josh if this baby is his. His life is going to change drastically, if he decides to ask for custody, which he will probably get. I’m not saying you can’t do it. I’m just saying, be sure this is what you want for yourself. You’re not married and it’s not a crime or a moral problem for you to decide this is just too much for you.

[Ethan Morales]

Your feelings are completely valid. Anger, fear, frustration, and anxiety are natural here. You’re emotionally invested in Josh, and you’re also dealing with the potential reality of him being a father to a child you weren’t expecting. That’s heavy.

Focus on facts, not speculation. Right now, the paternity test is the key factor. Until the DNA results are in, it’s hard to make decisions based on hypotheticals. Kristina’s behavior is manipulative, but Josh is only responsible for what actually happens not for her lies or assumptions.

Josh’s responsibility is real, but manageable. If the baby is his, he will have legal and financial responsibilities. That doesn’t mean he can’t still have a future with you, but he needs to approach it as a mature adult: handle child support appropriately, assert custody if he wants involvement, and protect both himself and the child legally.

Communication between you and Josh is crucial. You clearly love him and want to stay together. The two of you need to be on the same page emotionally and practically, especially if the baby is his. Support each other, make decisions together, and be honest about your limits and feelings.

Consider support for yourself. Even if you don’t want to involve your parents, you need someone you trust to talk to maybe a close friend, mentor, or therapist. Carrying all of this stress alone is dangerous for your mental health.

Protect your relationship while managing the chaos. This situation is extremely stressful, but the fact that you and Josh have a strong bond gives you a chance to navigate it together. Keep the focus on what you can control: honesty, communication, and practical planning for whatever the paternity results show.

Take one step at a time. Get the DNA test results, plan for the legal and financial outcomes, and decide together how to move forward as a couple. Your love and commitment can withstand difficult circumstances if you tackle them realistically and as a team.

[Natalie Noah]

The anger, confusion, sadness, and fear are all completely valid. This is not just about Josh and you; it’s about a situation that has spiraled into something none of you expected, and it’s understandable that your mind is racing with “what ifs.” The first thing I want to say is that it’s okay to feel all of this your emotional response is a signal that you care deeply about Josh and your relationship, and that’s a good thing, even if it’s exhausting right now.

From what you’ve shared, the priority has to be navigating the practical side first. Kristina has already indicated that she plans to involve the court, so you and Josh need to prepare for that reality. The DNA test is going to clarify everything, and while it’s terrifying to think about, it’s the only way forward. Josh will need to gather information, understand his rights and responsibilities, and consult a lawyer. This is not about punishment it’s about getting the truth so he can make decisions based on facts, not fear or assumptions.

If the DNA test shows he is the father, this is going to change your relationship dynamics for a while. I know it feels overwhelming, but Josh will have legal and moral responsibilities. He can choose to parent responsibly and even create a schedule that works for him and you if you continue to be a couple, or he can take a step back if that’s what he decides. Child support is part of the reality, but it doesn’t have to ruin your relationship it’s just part of taking responsibility for what happened. The key here is to approach this as a team: you and Josh need to communicate clearly, decide your boundaries, and support each other through the legal and emotional process.

Equally important is your emotional support system. I understand why you don’t want to involve your parents, but keeping all of this bottled up is going to be crushing. Even if it’s just one trusted friend or family member, having someone to talk to, cry with, or get advice from will help you stay grounded. You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way. Your feelings of frustration and rage toward Kristina are natural, but try not to let them consume you. Your focus needs to be on your relationship with Josh and navigating this storm in the healthiest way possible.

Take care of yourself, sweetheart. You’re in the eye of a storm, and it’s exhausting. Eat well, rest when you can, and allow yourself to process what’s happening without guilt. Your relationship with Josh is strong, and that foundation will help you both navigate whatever comes next, but only if you both stay honest, communicate openly, and face this situation together. Remember, love is about choosing to fight through storms side by side and right now, that’s exactly what’s needed.

[Member]

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