- This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 2 months, 2 weeks ago by
Natalie Noah.
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February 16, 2009 at 4:40 pm #880
debbied7
Member #419I have been dating a really great guy for 3 years. I have 6 children 5 grown 1 12yrs old living with us. My boyfriend was married for 20 yrs lived in texas with his wife and 3 kids. He divorced and moved back to florida.Wasted no time met a girl 17yrs his junior she was 20 he was 37 within a week she was prego and dumped him. when she was 8 months prego he impregnated someone else YES he now has 2 5year olds pays 400.00 a week child support and has the kids every other weekend. The children dont carry his name I try to tell him he is a paycheck and a babysitter to make matters worse the youngest ones mother calls comes over will just not leave us alone its always one lame excuse after another we always fight and he defends her saying its my sons mom. I am at my wits end i dread his weekends i make excuses to not be around. I know he really loves me but i am 48yrs old and i dont think i could do this much longer i want to enjoy my weekends wo having to babysit i raised my children i think its now time for me to enjoy my life. PS My grown childrens dad is out of the pic hes been dead for 7 yrs. My 12 yr olds dad is in ny. There has never been a problem for my boyfriend with my ex. HELP WHAT DO I DO???????
February 16, 2009 at 10:14 pm #9010ThinkingRight
Member #89I think you have your answer. This is not going to work out. If he has small children, he will be unable to fully commit to you. Even if he wants to totally commit to you, he will always be charged by the court to take care of these children. You should move on unless he is a fantastic person with financial resources that are unaffected by the $400/week. He will have no choice with the kids, talking to the ex-wife is totally unacceptable. He should only speak to her as a way to arrange time with the children. Also, I think that all weekend is ridiculous with the kids. How about a day or less. February 18, 2009 at 10:24 pm #9025glam0927
Member #76What you need to do is move on because this is clearly not your scene in this point in your life. However I think it’s appalling for you to expect this man to do anything less than be a father to those children. They’re his kids! He should be held responsible for the children he helped bring into this world. It’s unfortunate that one of the “baby mama”s has become a nuisance. There should be limits and he should absolutely put his foot down if her calls and her dropping by has become unnecessary and incessant. However.. he’s right about one thing, she’s the mother of his child so she sort of comes with the package. These are things that I can’t imagine him hiding from you in the beginning. Hopefully next time you walk if not run in the other direction next time someone you are seeing informs you he has young children. January 13, 2016 at 12:06 am #27224
April Masini, your AskAprilKeymasterHappy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. December 15, 2025 at 9:10 pm #50619
Natalie NoahMember #382,516You’re feeling completely drained and frustrated, and rightfully so. Your boyfriend’s responsibilities to his young children are non-negotiable that’s part of the package when dating someone with kids. The financial obligations, the custody schedule, and dealing with the mothers are all realities that will always exist. You’re at a point in your life where you want weekends free to enjoy your own life, not to constantly navigate drama that isn’t yours to carry. That’s a completely valid feeling, and it’s not something to ignore or push aside.
At the same time, it’s clear that this relationship may never fully align with the lifestyle you want. Loving him doesn’t erase the fact that his life comes with demands you didn’t sign up for, and the ongoing stress around his children and their mothers is taking a toll on your happiness. Recognizing that this isn’t a sustainable situation is wise it doesn’t make you heartless, it makes you realistic. Choosing to step back or move on would give you the peace, space, and enjoyment you deserve, without the constant frustration of a situation that’s beyond your control.
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