I’ve never been really good at reading people, but I have this constant dilemma: I tend to develop crushes on my friends. I know that there are different types of love, but – especially now that I’m meeting lots of new people throughout my college career – I just can’t tell the difference between others’ intentions for friendly-relationships and those for romantic relationships. It’s as if I’m always on edge – always suspicious that my friends are flirting. And when I happen to crush on one of them, it’s the exact opposite: I doubt my own flirtation detection endlessly.What makes this all worse, is I almost always respond to any level of affection with affection.
If you can’t tell already, I’m pretty romantically damaged. I’ve been molested several times, by family members, friends, and partners. I’ve talked about it in therapy, but that just leads to confidence-boosting and self-assurance talk, and nothing about how to categorize my life (still no idea why I am such a popular victim – not particularly attractive, though I try). Regardless of the origins of my issues, I need to move forward and try to figure out how I should progress in my love life.
How do I tell when I should cool it and appreciate great friends, and when I should pursue what seems to be a spark? I’m shy, and don’t make a lot of friends, rather, I make strong relationships with the few gems I find. Could it be that I’m always looking for the same type of person for two different types of love?
