[Michelle06]

Me and my best friend know each other since we were 12. She has an older brother whom i’m very close to. He is the only guy i can tell anything, though we don’t see each other a lot.
A month ago, my friend asked me to spend the night with her, Mike(her brother), and her boyfriend. Obviously she slept with her boyfriend, and i shared the same room with Mike. After we had a good talk, he put his arm around me, and soon we started cuddling. Meanwhile he told me not to missunderstand what is happening, and that he is afraid i would fall for him and that’s wrong. I told him i never regret a thing i do, and i won’t regret that either. Then we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
The next day we acted like nothing happened and he never told his sister about that night. One whole week after, we talked for hours on the phone, about everyhing else but that night or refferences to relationships, just teasing. We had an easy fight on the phone, then, for a long period of time i haven’t heard from him.
One day I asked him out, like the good old days, and between the lines he told me “i’m not the guy for you”.
I admire him: he’s really smart, he’s tall, athletic, a good kisser, but he wasn’t involved in a serious relationship by now. A little geeky, but he is a cute one.
With all that, he is still the guy i can tell anything, but i don’t want a complicated relationship with him.
The only thing i want from him is same passionate and sincere talks. He always listens to what i have to say and gives me great advice, like an older brother.
If i don’t make a boyfriend soon, i think i’ll get too close to Mike. But how can i make a boyfriend when i’m having such good times with Mike?
A thing that really annoys me is that when we say goodbye, he tries to kiss me distantly on the cheek, in a way i’m not able to kiss him back, like he is afraid of me jumping at him and smooch him passionate.
I think it’s better we have a serious talk, but i feel like i’m not the only one who doesn’t want to end this.
Just yesterday i asked him out and we had a reeeeally great time together just talking, sharing ideas, getting life problems out of our minds. While he was talking very wisely i was so amazed that we have almost the same opinions, but he knew more than i do. I apreciate a lot that he left me speechless (no guy has ever done that by now) and if he was my brother i would’ve been so proud of him, but this situation only turned me on.

Well, now i just don’t know what to understand. That night felt really good, with no feelings involved. Why can’t there be more? I’m ok with having casual sex, and i perfectly understand if he’ll sometime make a girlfriend. I have absolutely no problem with him having another sexual partners. And i want the same freedom. No strings attached. No dates, no awkwardly holding hands, no nights out with common friends. Just a thing that only us know about.
It would be perfect, if we saw each other like old times, chat, share our problems, and then have sex.
Now i don’t know what he wants. He made all the moves that night, and we are teasing each other by spending nights together, still, he doesn’t make any other move, and i won’t as long as he kisses me distantly and awkwardly on the cheek.
I wish i knew what’s in his head, but i can’t think at this as if i were from the outside.
Would it be fair if i tell him lets have sex. Now! No strigs attached. And then neither care about it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There are a couple of problems that are keeping you from getting what you want. First of all, you talk a lot about what you want, but you seem to ignore what he wants. He’s been pretty clear that he’s not interested in what you are. And while you say you don’t want anything complicated — you’re actually turning this into something complicated.

My advice is that you change your behavior when it comes to men so you have better outcomes. First of all, don’t ask men out on dates and don’t make the first move. What you’re do is taking away the opportunity for men to do what they love — chase a woman that they want! Also, when you throw yourself at him with sex, he’s going to think he’s got the booby prize, not first prize. Men WANT the woman that they can show off to other men — if they think they’re with a woman who will throw herself at a guy, they’re not going to be as proud. The other thing that you win when you don’t ask a guy out is the opportunity to know how he REALLY feels about you. You won’t feel confused about why he acts one way and then another because if he wants to be with you — he’ll make a date happen! 😉

You should read Think & Date Like A Man for lots of good information on winning the dating game. Here’s the link where you can download it automatically: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You can also buy it on the websites for Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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