[ValerieP]

I could use advice on this situation. I have a girlfriend I’ve been close to for nearly 10 years. I am a relationship person while she prefers the single life. we have always maintained a decent balance of friendship and girl time whether I’m single or not. recently, I fell for a horrible (I was blinded by his lies…) guy and we dated for 6 months. the most unhealthy relationship I’ve ever even HEARD of let alone experienced. cheating and lying, while dragging me along the whole time. my loyal girlfriend hated him with me, despised him, and said he was dead to her, even though I stayed with him trying to make it work, she still supported me. until I broke up with him in march, and she started seeing him. yeah. you’re in as much disbelief as I was. I had started seeing an amazing man unexpectedly shortly after I ended the crazy relationship, who ironically is my girlfriends old best friend, although they haven’t been close in almost five years. long story short, my new relationship is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. in fact I feel like he is the one. although my girlfriend and I went through a rough patch, I still love her even after she broke girl code and hurt me. I never told her she hurt me. NOW, she is causing a rift in my new relationship because of a stupid disagreement between the two of them. they are old friends afterall. question being, do I let my friendship (which is nothing like it used to be) ruin a potentially forever relationship? or do I stay loyal and choose her side? (their argument being, or her argument really, he treats her differently FIVE YEARS LATER, than he used to. they’ve had no contact until about 6 months ago! how trivial.) part of me says to go with my boy, and never look back, as her and mine relationship is never going to be quite the same anyhow. no wonder women choose their men over friends most of the time. girls are vicious. am I selfish for thinking this way? I’m almost 30, and while she wants to party all the time, I spend my weekends at home with my love, drama free and very happy.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Relationships aren’t black and white, so your relationship with your female friend is going to ebb and flow and may end, and then may even start up again — there’s no set of rules for friends the way there is for family. It sounds like she really betrayed you by dating your now ex-boyfriend, and while you’ve remained friends, I trust that the friendship has changed as a result. Forgiving is good, forgetting, not always a smart idea.

If the guy you’re with now is the one that you’re going to commit your life to, then that is the relationship that has to trump all others. You can choose not to see your female friend for now because she’s causing too much chaos in your relationship with your boyfriend, or, if it’s manageable, you can see her, but with boundaries. The boundaries can include seeing her less often, and/or only talking about things that don’t include your boyfriend and/or your relationship with him — you can be creative about how you life your life.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 🙂

[Member]

Posts