- This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 10 months ago by
.
-
I’m sorry because this is my first post, but I have started it with complaining. 🙁 My boyfriend and I have been in relationship for more than 3 years. We plan to marry after I finished graduate school. He’s a very very good man, good in bed, great listener, and highly educated. The problem is he’s so needy and clingy. Since the beginning of our relationship, he never passed a day without texting me, sometimes like 5 – 10 text messages a day. Thank god he’s decreased the intensity to 3 a day lately.
Problem comes when we’re in long distance relationship. He works far away, and I’m on graduate school. He phone called me everyday, 2 hours a day. I’m not a talker, so we often spend 30 minutes of silence on the phone. I’ve told him it makes me uncomfortable, but he said “I miss you, this is what I do to fill the void when you’re far away from me”.
Matters are worsening because now he push me for marriage. We even often quarrel over it. Sometimes he blames me my thesis research is too long. My father doesn’t approve me married unless I finished my graduate school. I told him “you want to marry fast? go tell my daddy because he’s the key – not me”. Fact is, no matter how he requested, my dad would never approve our marriage unless I’m graduated. I’m an Asian girl, and with the strong parental tradition. Secretive marriage is a big big taboo.
I feel our relationship is funny because I’m the one who are laid-back, independent, and direct. I don’t like “changing man” – in fact, he agreed himself I’m rarely nagging. Not because I’m afraid – because I believe men are smart enough and not some child. I have read relationship books, every single books I know telling about “needy woman”. But no one tell about “needy man”. Now all of you, I would ask, who would do this more often in relationship – the man or the woman? (But the FACT is, he did ALL of them!)
1. Getting mad or upset when we don’t return the phone call or text message.
2. Nagging over the smallest detail of relationship status. (Me : as long as it doesn’t bomb, it’s OK)
3. Trying to change the partner by telling countless of “you should”s (To which I responded, “I’m not a broken doll that needs to be fixed. Accept me or leave me”)
4. Telling stuff like “we should marry ASAP”, “I can’t wait to have babies with you”, “after we’re married we’ll do A,B,C” . And oh – here’s what most frightened me big time : “WE NEED TO TALK”😮
5. When we’re busy on a stimulating project, suddenly the partner rushed over for “the serious talk” and getting us freaking upset.
6. Don’t tell the problem directly when feeling upset. Nagging the A first, then B,C,D, plus spices of blaming and 15 minutes later – the main problem.
7. Telling “I miss you” every half hour.Sometimes I secretly want to dump him. But he’s a great responsible guy, very attentive, and protective like a big brother. I love him so much, I enjoy his company, and I understand this attitude is part of him being a human. I’m not perfect too! But what can I do to make him laid back and not so clingy? I’ve given him plenty of space, accept him as he is, never try to “change” him, and rarely nag. I think I’ve let him be “the man”. I just hope he’ll stop suffocating me.
😕 Any answer of you will be highly appreciated. Thank you
(P.S. It’s our FIRST ever relationship. I’m his first GF, and he’s my first BF too.)
So desperate in the Far East,
🙁 Cantara
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
