[LiNuttree1]

Hi!

My Bf (28/m) and I (24/f) have been in a relationship for 8 months now (long distance 4 months), we started out as a fling but it soon became more serious (he hasn’t had a gf before). He is a qualified academic and quit his unsatisfying job 3 months ago and since then has been struggling to fulfill his lifelong dream of starting a career in research. At the beginning of this period he was quite hopeful and he asked me to come with him wherever life/job will take him, but for the last weeks his attitude changed completely (also towards me) and it seems that he lost joy of life and the trust in people (including me). He told me that he thinks that I might be more in love with him than he is with me, that he needs space and that we should slow things down.
I love him and this is really hard on me, because I can’t help him. I’m also afraid that he falls back into depression (friends told me that he had problems with that before). I don’t know what to do? Should I just leave him alone? He isn’t really communicative and I haven’t heard from him for a few days now, I don’t want to be clingy or pushy.

Thanks for your help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he’s pushing you away and this is painful for you. 🙁 When you choose someone to date, there are certain things you can look for to insure a better chance of success. Career stability is one of them, and mental health is another. When you’re with someone who’s got an unstable career and chronic problems with depression, it’s going to be more challenging to make things work. If you’d been dating him for four years and he ran into a career issue, that would be one thing, but this relationship is new — and for half of it, it’s been long distance, which is even more complicated and a cause of a lot of relationship issues under normal circumstances. 😕

My advice is to really pay attention to who you’re dating and the fact that he is very clear about his wanting to push you away. It’s okay for you to feel hurt, and it’s appropriate when you’re rejected like this, but what would be a mistake is to try to stay with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. 😉

[Lidya]

Hi!
Ask April
I hope you are doing well
you know that,
your forum is truly a ray of light for people stuck in difficult relationships. Your advice is always based on reality rather than emotion, which is very important in today’s world.
I read people’s posts on this forum daily and see how they are dealing with their problems. Your expert advice helps solve many of them and encourages people.

[Member]

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