[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating this guy for about 1 year, 8 months. He is wealthy, makes somewhere between 300-500k/year. I have a startup company and for the past year and a half we’ve been in the red, and are just starting to come out of it. In other words – I have just enough money to pay for basic necessities. If I wasn’t living with him, I would be living at home with my parents to save money during this delicate and hard start up time.

My boyfriend occasionally surprises me with extravagant trips abroad. While he is generous when it comes to paying for the trips and dinners, and he fully pays for his own apartment (which he had bought 7 years before we met) and doesn’t ask me to pay for anything, he often leaves me up the creek without a paddle when it comes to certain ‘necessities’.

As you can imagine, with a start-up company I don’t have money to spend on nice things right now. The trips he selects are so glamorous and over the top I feel completely out of place, inadequate, and miserable when I’m there. Wearing a dress from Target to a gala at the Ritz is not something I would wish on anyone (except maybe him, so that he’d understand!). He wears the latest designer fashions, spending $200+ on a shirt is normal for him – so my Target dress has a lot to live up to.

I finally told him how this last surprise trip to Europe (coming up soon), which is for a week and is full of fancy galas and events, is making me a nervous wreck as I’m completely unable to purchase the attire required for all of these events. I started crying and told him how worried and anxious and miserable I was getting over this.

I was *hoping* he would take the stress away and tell me he would help me. He makes a ridiculous amount of money, and I’ve seen him drop thousands on clothes before like it was nothing..but he didn’t. He basically said ‘I’m already very generous, I pay for everything, and now you want a new wardrobe every time we go on a trip?’ I was horrified. He then went on to say that what I needed to do was square away my start up company. I guess his coming from a wealthy family leaves little room for compassion in his heart.

What I wanted was some understanding, and yes – some help paying for the necessary clothing his expensive taste in entertainment/vacations require. I have never pretended to be rich. He is well aware of my situation and lack of means right now to buy much of anything. I don’t think he realizes how cruel he is being. What good are these amazing vacations if the whole time I feel completely inadequate and out of place? I thought the whole point of these things was to be happy and grow closer together..I don’t know how he can stomach seeing me so miserable, have the means to help me, and decide not to help.

-Lonely Peasant Girl

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Okay — he didn’t do what you wanted, so instead of crying, [i]decide what your next move is.[/i] 😉 You have a couple of choices that I can think of — so remember that you’re not a victim. 🙂 You can continue to accompany your boyfriend of over a year and a half on these lavish trips and make the most of your wardrobe from Target because it is what you can afford and that’s who you are right now. If you enjoy these trips and enjoy being with him, maybe being underdressed isn’t so bad. 🙂 Remember why you fell in love with him, and know that relationships take work and sacrifice. This may be one of those times.

You can also try to make the best of a budget wardrobe: thrift shops, consignment stores in upscale neighborhoods and online auctions are great resources for pre-owned couture and cocktail attire. You may be able to look like a princess on a pauper’s budget! Classic black dresses with good costume jewelry are wonderful ways to stretch a dollar in your closet. Then again, borrowing from a friend or relative is a great way to suddenly gain a great dress (just dry clean it when you return it). There are also companies that will rent you an exclusively made handbag or even a dress.

If you simply decide not to accompany him because you are ashamed of the way you are dressed — you’re not going to feel better — and you run the risk of him finding someone to keep him company while he’s away or realizing you’re more interested in your wardrobe than in being with him. 😕

Your start up company in the red in this economy would be a tough strain on anyone. See if this relationship can make it through these tough times.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

Posts