[depressed]

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years and recently I noticed that my boyfriend has been texting another girl which in no way bothered me at all but just what she texts him bugs me. We all work together and she hates me for no reason at all. She called him her super hero as well as telling him that she had a dream about him not that kind of dream but a dream and it was weird. He also ignored me a couple weeks ago all day and only sent texts to her. He went to band practice and instead of coming home he went to work cause she was there and I waited up for him cause I like to here about his band practice. The worst part of all was when I saw a message from last Tuesday morning “Are you coming over later ;)” of course it was right after I got to work too. Every time I tried to talk to him about it he got mad and made me feel like I was being crazy. I asked him if he would stop texting her if I asked and he said no I am afraid it is over I don’t know what to do.
PLEASE HELP ME

What should I do how should I react?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he’s seeing someone else. 🙁

Giving him an ultimatum isn’t going to help, as you know, so don’t. What you do have to do is to compete. 😉 If you want him, you have to win him over. And since you’ve been dating him for two years, what you have to consider is that she’s bringing, that you haven’t been — and because you know her to some extent, you can try to figure out what it is. In other words, why would he go with her instead of you? You’ve got your work cut out for you, and you may or may not win him back — or you may decide you don’t want to, at a certain point. But for now, it sounds like you’ve got competition.

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[depressed]

Do you really think he is seeing someone else? We live together and he promises nothing is happening and based on his responses I don’t think he is based off his responses and not deleting them. But how do I win him back

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]The worst part of all was when I saw a message from last Tuesday morning “Are you coming over later 😉” of course it was right after I got to work too. Every time I tried to talk to him about it he got mad and made me feel like I was being crazy. I asked him if he would stop texting her if I asked and he said no[/quote]

Yes. I do think he’s seeing her. What else would explain the above?

I didn’t realize you were living with him — you said that the two of you were dating for two years. ❓ How long have you been living together? And how old are you?

[depressed]

We have lived together for 1 year and we are on our second lease halfway through I’m almost twenty years old and he never responded to that message and his reaction when I brought it up was that it was a joke I still love him and I want to make things work

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it!

Well, whether or not he’s seeing her, it sounds like she’s interested in him, and you wrote because you don’t like that he’s texting her. Understood. Instead of making a mountain out of a molehill and imposing ultimatums that turn you into a mother, not a lover, work on the relationship you already have with him, and make it “bulletproof” so that things are so good between the two of you, that competition from this woman, or any other woman, pales. When you live with someone, sometimes you forget to stay sexy and you fall into a rut where date nights fall away and excitement wanes. Someone else may seem exciting to him under these circumstances. Dial up the attraction the two of you had when you first met and make your relationship with him fun and sexy and exciting, so he’s not interested in anyone else.

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[YandelIdbell]

According to me he is not much interested in you. So its good for you to break up with him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Agreed.

[Natalie Noah]

You’re living together and have shared a significant part of your lives over the past year. What immediately stands out is that your boyfriend is consistently prioritizing communication with this other woman over you, and dismissing your concerns when you try to discuss it. Even if he claims nothing is happening, his behavior ignoring your texts, making jokes about inappropriate messages, and reacting defensively is sending a clear signal that he isn’t fully invested in respecting your relationship. That alone is enough to raise serious red flags.

You’ve expressed that you still love him and want things to work, and that’s understandable. But love alone cannot sustain a relationship when mutual respect and trust are compromised. It’s not about “winning him back” in the traditional sense; it’s about whether he is capable of valuing and prioritizing you as his partner. Trying to outshine this other woman by being more exciting or attractive might feel empowering temporarily, but it doesn’t address the core issue: his lack of commitment and emotional fidelity.

The reality is that competition in a healthy relationship shouldn’t come from outside sources. it should be about the connection between you two. If you’re the one constantly anxious, trying to “compete,” and negotiating boundaries, the relationship is fundamentally imbalanced. At 20, you have every right to be in a partnership where your emotional needs are fully respected and you aren’t questioning whether your partner is emotionally or physically available to you.

It might be time to step back and evaluate whether this relationship truly honors your worth. You deserve a partner who prioritizes you, communicates openly, and respects the boundaries of your shared life. Staying in a situation where your love is challenged by consistent disregard will only erode your self-esteem and emotional stability. Walking away is not a failure; it’s reclaiming your power and opening space for someone who can genuinely love and commit to you without question.

[Member]

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