[kenersen]

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now and before we started dating we would hook up here and there and always find our way back to each other. We’ve gotten through so much together and we both love each other so much there’s no doubt about that, I feel so strongly that we’re meant to be with each other. He is in his second semester of college right now and so am I. I’m at home commuting to school and he went away to school. I knew it obviously wouldn’t be as easy as when we get to be with each other all the time, which is perfect. Recently he has been so overwhelmed and stressed with school because of the large amount of work he has which has been making his communication with me a bit weaker. I’ve talked to him about it before telling him what he can do differently to just communicate well and not upset me, but yesterday he told me he thinks we should take a break. He said he’s looking at the bigger picture for us because this is something he wants to last and doesn’t want to ruin. He said he feels horrible for upsetting me so much and not treating me how i deserve to be treated and that he needs a little time to clear his head and think about what’s best for our relationship. Part of me knows our love is so strong and i keep telling myself the whole “absence makes the heart grow fonder” thing and that there’s no way he wouldn’t come back to me, but the other part of me is paranoid and insecure and feels like he will want to break up with me and this is driving me crazy. I just want to know if I’m being too paranoid and if this break could actually be a good thing for us, showing him that he really does need and want me in his life, or if this is destined to lead to a breakup.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

You’re not necessarily being paranoid. Long distance relationships are a lot more difficult than in town relationships, and you’ve gone from an in town relationship to one that’s long distance. In addition, colleges allow you to be with more single, available people in one place at one time — than any other time in your life, so there is opportunity for both of you to date others if you wanted to. And lastly, living at college can be a lot of work beyond the academic rigor. Living with roommates, living off campus, having to take care of laundry, bills and shopping for the first time ever, can be a burden for some students, for the first times in their lives.

Since he’s asking for the break, and you’re not happy with the communication between the two of you, it sounds like this is inevitable. My advice is to stay upbeat when talking to him (any complaining is going to make him associate negativity with you and his relationship with you), and stalk him or try to find out what he’s doing. Instead, take the break with the best intentions to focus on school work, your own life at your commuter school, and see where things go. Spring break is coming up in a month or so, and you’ll have an opportunity to see him then. 😉

[Member]

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