[Sylvia59]

Is calling a women for 3 weeks and texting behind my back , secretly I found out through phone bill. Please answer please . Some advice thank you. ❓ ❓ ❓ 😮 🙁 My husband of 27 yrs

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I guess it depends on who the woman is and what it is your husband is texting. If this is a business partner and he’s texting and calling about business, or a family friend and he’s texting or calling because he’s setting up a surprise party for you — it’s fine. But if he’s dating this woman, then it’s cheating.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[datingada]

i just want to say that you don’t believe girls she is always hurt guys so you should use and through.

[Sylvia59]

Well sad to say he mention to me the same day I viewed the number on my cell bill . she took his number from a friend they txt ,called early hrs in am till I came home from work. Then it moved to hrs at night , my husband said it was a friendly talk nothing else then she wouldnt stop . So I found out and told him I was leaving him. He said it was nothing , he was devasted and called her no more calls . I can’t sleep I don’t believe him . I’m trying to move on its not easy . Asked him what was txt and talked about he said all gossip . At 5am ? And all day at work , they work in the same building . I don’t know I’m just dying inside.
But she did stop calling and texting . And my husband. I still discuss it ask questions he reponds I never needed to worry this was all useless and he,s so sorry and angry at himself . Should I move on ? Thanks for responding

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you don’t trust your husband. 😳

If there’s a history of mistrust then this incident is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. But if he’s someone you love, respect and do trust, and a woman from work is acting inappropriately, all he needs to do is set up some boundaries and not take her calls. Blocking calls and blocking e-mails isn’t that difficult and he should be able to do it pretty easily. But he has to want to take that step.

On your end of the relationship, look at places where you can be a better wife. I’m not blaming you for what may be happening with your husband and another woman, but there are reasons men cheat, if he is in fact cheating. One of them is that they want to feel a certain way and the woman they’re with doesn’t make them feel that way. Lots of times in long term relationships women let themselves go and they forget to make their man feel special. I know you feel like a victim in this situation, but you don’t have to be. If you husband is basically a good person and not a chronic cheater or someone who deserves to be mistrusted, then maybe the problem isn’t his alleged cheating. Maybe the problem is something going on in your relationship. Just something to consider…..

I hope this helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Sylvia59]

MY GOD did you so ever help. YES to not trusting, i guess fear of loosing us. He didnt even block the cell numbers he simply called her and told her. A fun conversation turned out too long too personal. He’s a married man.AND he deals with his own anxiety. Looking for a different conversation with someone rather than me. He looks great for 53 and so do I . I made sure to always keep myself in shape and in mind.He makes me feel good. I HAD TO THROW OUT printed paper on cell calls and txt times and dates, they were making me sick and thinking of it all day. The calls lasted 3 weeks and i was so disappointed in him. AND myself where did i go wrong .. This all happen 4 days before christmas, it was hard for me, and i wanted our marriage over. He never left our home we worked it out it took 8 days. The hardest 8 days of my life, i kept pushing him out. AS for today , i was looking for someone’s advice, not parents or a friend. I wanted to work this out myself, and your answers help me so much i can breath now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. My grandmother told me once ”there is no remedy for love but to love more.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for your kind words — I’m always glad when I can help.

I’m not sure how long you and your husband have been married, but this, in itself, doesn’t sound like a deal breaker, if you don’t want it to be. I hate to split hairs, but he didn’t sleep with another woman; he didn’t go on a date with another woman; he didn’t send naked photos to and from another woman; and he didn’t kiss another woman. I know it must be incredibly awful for you to think about their phone calls and any intimacies they may have shared — and I’m not saying it’s right. But you have to look at the big picture. In a long term relationship, there has to be a big picture view. People make mistakes. All kinds of mistakes. Big ones and little ones. We all have our lines in the sand, and maybe yours is he can’t look at another woman for all I know. Some men don’t want their women wearing cute clothes so strangers admire their wives. It’s not for me to say where your boundaries are….. BUT I get a lot of posts on this forum from people asking advice for infidelities that include sex, nude pictures exchanged, threesomes gone bad (don’t they all?), etc.

You need to find out what is going on with your relationship that brought you and your husband to this point, and get things back on track — if you want to (and I think you do). There’s a saying about throwing the baby out with the bath water, and if this man who is your husband is a great husband who made a mistake, then you don’t want to throw him out along with this one episode of bad behavior. And I’m hearing from you that it is only one episode.

Your grandmother is right, but temper her advice with mine: Relationships take hard work. You’ve got yours cut out for you. Roll up your sleeves. This isn’t over. 🙂

[niniko]

Honey!
I thought you were talking about my situation. Same is happening in my life. even though,it began 3 years ago. Don’t trust him, check him. My hubby did same, he was very sorry, I left him twice, but didn’t work. do you wanna know what they did? She sent my husband prepaid phone,so I could not check his cell. Hows that? But I found out it too. I even,install spy software in his cell. And it works just excellent.
The only difference is that, mines are sick, She is 800miles far from here. And they just have texting and calling relationship. Well, as far as I know. lol.
I hope everything will go away. I’m just working on myself for now. Its not time for me to move out right now.
Oh yes, we have been married for almost 10 years and we have 7yrs old son.

[Sylvia59]

Niniko, Trusting is suppose to be easy. I’m married 27 years , my husband was looking for a different conversation than with me , men need attention just like us. “”you look handsome today , that shirt looks good on you , etc especially when you get older. And he does maybe I didn’t say it enough. We stop going out together on weekends and did nothing. We needed to spice up of life together. So everyday the trusting is better. I have to improve and be a better wife , I think all day what I did wrong , and I get angry at myself . But it hurts that he still spoke with a women for 3 weeks. The same day I found out he told me. So far it’s great, I don’t want to leave him , and it’s not about settlling. I love him and I have to trust him or this marriage won’t survive . So for now I’m moving forward .April gave me solid advice and open my eyes . You have to work on everything in life, I got married at 23 yrs old I’m now 52, life is a thief . Make it work true love and respect is hard to find …

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You brought up some very, very good points — telling him his shirt looks nice and making sure date nights actually happen are the little things that make marriages work! At 52, you are definitely not too old to find love again. There are lots of men who are looking for a woman you’re age, and this time around, I know you’re going to be an even better woman because of what you’ve learned. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Sylvia59]

April, reading the forums and talking to you has brought me to be myself again. You see my marriage goes way back April I was 15 yrs old when we met. By time HS ended we went different ways even states. Then he looked for me in Calif. I was 23 . We got together again ,and he had a girlfriend. 2 weeks later I left Calif moved to Fl and we were married. We went on vacation every 6 months or every year date night was when we were off. And him being a Deputy on midnights 24 yrs took a toll on both of us . But we were the type of couple that kissed every morn , held each other being romantic wasn’t an issue. Now 3 years hes on day shift , but time with each other was disappearing. I tried to change it . But in November I notice a change in him . I mention it to our son he’s 23 and he thought I was crazy. Then I found the phone calls . It’s now been almost 3 weeks since and writing to you reading forums makes me get through this . Now we’re Back to our lunch together every weekend , beach , walks etc. I read and hear of the ugly truth in cheating that includes, sex and couples treating each other so bad it breaks my heart. My husband see’s right through me , and he knows I still think about this mess. And Im looking at him now outside and remembering why I fell in love with him . He has moved on and hopes I have . I have too or I’ll kill this great marriage. Like you mention April this was one time of this episode. And in my heart I know it won’t happen again . I love him too much and respect what we have together . My lips only fit with his . Sounds stupid right ? We are planning our usual trip away together soon . Thank you for your time and ears and for all of you out there listen to your heart, be strong and never settle for less in life .and please listen to April she’s telling like it is .

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m really glad I could help and that you’re doing so much better. 😀

[Member]

Posts