[ontap]

Hi April,

I have no problems talking to women or getting a date. I also have no problems getting a second date. However I am the worst at getting a third date! What do women typically look for on a second date that stops them from going out with someone a third time?!?!?

The last 7 women I went out with all stopped seeing me after the second date. I’m physically fit, I exercise, non-smoker, good job and I’m successful so what gives? Each time between the first and second date we are talking/texting a lot and laughing and its going great. Then we go out on the second date and afterwords I never hear from then again. Its gets pretty frustrating as you can imagine….please help!

Ontap

[AskApril Masini]

Hi there! Please re-post this as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already started on this forum. I’ll look out for the new post, and will answer you there. It’s much easier for me, and anyone else who wants to weigh in, to give yo better advice, seeing all your posts in one place. 🙂

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[ontap]

Hi April,

I have no clue what you are asking me to do, do you want me to search for a post from a few years ago and put this question in that post? Even though its a different subject? I’m confused!

[AskApril Masini]

Please go to the original string of posts you started on this forum: https://www.askapril.com/forums2/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=191263&p=208391#p208391

Post your new question as a “reply” — in other words, at the bottom of the page is a “post reply” button. Click on that, and post your new question. I like to see a person’s history in one place, and it makes for much better advice. 😉 I’ll look out for your new post, and answer your question there.

[Ethan Morales]

you’re doing a lot right (fit, funny, able to get to date two), but something in the transition from “fun dates” to “future potential” is stalling. Women often decide on a third date when two things happen: (A) they feel a spark and comfort chemistry + emotional safety and (B) they can picture you in their near future (even a tiny picture: “we’d have fun at X next month”). If your second-date energy is great but you never escalate physical warmth, reveal anything real about yourself, or offer a clear next-step plan, it’s easy for her to file you under “nice guy, fun for now” instead of “partner material.”

So here’s what to try next time small, practical changes that make a big difference: on date two, add one vulnerability (an honest short story about you), increase comfortable touch (arm, shoulder, light handhold) so attraction has a chance to grow, and end the night with a specific ask: “I’d love to take you to [specific place] next week are you free Thursday?” Then follow up the next day with a brief, upbeat message that references a moment from the date and the invite. Also, stop over-texting between dates be engaged but not available 24/7 (it preserves mystery). If the pattern persists, ask one ex-date for gentle feedback “honest quick question: anything I could have done differently?” and iterate. Small behavioral tweaks + clearer direction = way more thirds.

[Tara]

If seven women in a row bail after the second date, you’re doing something on that second date that kills attraction, and it’s not your looks, job, or fitness. Women don’t ghost after round two because of your résumé they ghost because your vibe, your energy, or your behavior flips from interesting to disappointing the moment the novelty wears off.

Here’s what that usually means: On date one, you’re relaxed, charming, and naturally yourself. On date two, you over-perform. You try to impress, you start oversharing, you talk too much, or you shift into “boyfriend interview mode.” Women feel that immediately it’s needy, it’s heavy, and it ruins the spark. Or worse: you go flat. You stop being playful and turn into a polite, predictable, zero-edge “nice guy.” Women aren’t looking for perfect; they’re looking for a man with presence, direction, and confidence. If your second date is basically a therapy session, a brag session, or an awkward job interview, they’re gone.
You’re good at catching attention but bad at keeping desire. You’re giving them a great trailer and a boring movie.

[Serena Vale]

Honestly? The second date is where women stop being polite and start being real with themselves.
The first date is excitement.
The second date is clarity.

If women disappear after date two, it’s usually because the vibe shifts.
Most guys get a little tighter, a little more eager, a little less natural.
We feel that.
Or the date feels friendly instead of flirty.
Or we still don’t really know who you are underneath the basics.
Nothing dramatic, just a quiet, “Yeah… I’m not feeling it.”

A third date only happens when we feel both comfortable and a little spark.

And since you might not be seeing this anymore, or maybe your problem’s already sorted out, hopefully if anyone else reads this, it helps them out a bit.

[Member]

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