[annaowen]

I was interested in this guy who was not interested in me. I didn’t get the point right away because we had had a relationship in the past that was slowly dwindling to nothing but because I knew him and a lot of his excuses were justifiable and his behavior was all over the place – sometimes nice, sometimes distant, sometimes irritable – I chose to continue to give him the benefit of the doubt. When he finally told me he needed space because I was stressing him out, I lost it and contacted him like a crazy person would (I was angry for about 2 weeks, then tried to apologize because I had been equally angry at the things he said to me – then I contacted about once a week for two or three weeks, plus every few days before he told me I was stressing him out when he chose to ignore me all of a sudden when he ditched plans with me). During all of this, I got no response from him (obviously).

When I found out later (about 6 weeks after he told me to leave him alone) he had a girlfriend, I e-mailed him explaining that he knew I had feelings for him and I wanted to know so I could move on. He replied that he did, and that we would talk soon. I responded that I wish he had told me and although it was disappointing, I wished him well. A few days later, I apologized for placing him in an awkward position because I wasn’t aware he had a girlfriend and then the last time I contacted (when I thought back about his behavior) I apologized for “forcing” my friendship on him when (if I thought hard enough) I should have seen he wasn’t interested in backed off. I realized I was trying to maintain a relationship that was already over, and I held on too tight because I was afraid to let go.

My question is this – I know that I probably came off as crazy and foolish in my pursuit of him, especially at the end, although I had no clue he had a girlfriend and was aware something was off but was unaware he was trying to drop me like a bad habit (because he kept alternating between his behaviors of kindness, jerkiness, etc. – and he wasn’t ignoring me completely), but given my reaction AFTER I found out he was in a relationship, do I gain a little respect in his eyes for wishing him well and apologizing for any actions on my part that might have affected him or his relationship in a negative way, or has he completely written me off as a crazed lunatic?

This is someone that I have been friendly with prior to this incident and had been dating casually and hope that although a relationship isn’t possible, we can put it all behind us someday after some time has passed. I think he is a great guy and really wish him the best, and feel so guilty for being so selfish about liking someone I was oblivious to whether or not they liked me back. We had resumed contact after he had already begun to date this girl but before it got serious and we dated casually as well, but we had a few issues (one of them being this other girl) that caused our to have more problems getting off the ground than their relationship did.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]My question is this – I know that I probably came off as crazy and foolish in my pursuit of him, especially at the end, although I had no clue he had a girlfriend and was aware something was off but was unaware he was trying to drop me like a bad habit (because he kept alternating between his behaviors of kindness, jerkiness, etc. – and he wasn’t ignoring me completely), but given my reaction AFTER I found out he was in a relationship, do I gain a little respect in his eyes for wishing him well and apologizing for any actions on my part that might have affected him or his relationship in a negative way, or has he completely written me off as a crazed lunatic? [/quote]

Probably not.

My advice is to move on. You’re spending too much time thinking about him. Drop the friendship. It’s going to be too complicated. And read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you have [i]an easier time[/i] finding, getting and keeping Mr. Right! 😉

I hope that helps.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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