[Curtis212]

Hi April,
I love my girlfriend dearly and I trust her completely. As a point of reference, we are both in our 30’s.
She has guy friends – no big deal. Last night when I’m out of town she and a single guy friend of hers watch a movie at her house just the 2 of them. He’s there til late, may have spent the night – I don’t know, I didn’t grill her about it.
She asked me today if that bothered me b/c she thought I was acting a little strange. I told her honestly that it didn’t make me feel that great and that it could be seen as inappropriate, but that I wasn’t going to give her grief about hanging with a friend. I also noted that if the roles were reversed, she would likely not feel so great about it either.
Here’s the concerning part to me: instead of trying to consider my feelings on the matter, she stated flatly that I was just going to have to respect the fact that she has guy friends and she likes to hang out with them, and acted bent out of shape that I told her how it made me feel. For the record, it’s not a question of whether or not she would cheat – I know she wouldn’t. It’s her dismissive attitude that scares me a little.
Recently I bought her an engagement ring, and I’m sure that ramping up the stakes like that could make me more apt to over-react to things like this(?) This episode definitely sends up a little red flag. There have been others like it, though none so alarming that I would give up on us – I do love her a lot.
I’m a little taken aback and I’m getting cold feet.
Over-thinking nothing or justifiably concerned??
Thanks for your input!!!

[ashblue0602]

In my relationship, me and my bf have come to agreement that we do not hang out with the opposite sex unless we are with each other. your a guy… how do you act around an attractive female?

[Curtis212]

Thanks for your response. I would never ask her not to hang around her guy friends. As I said, I trust her completely. My concern is in regard to her inflexible stance at the expense of my feelings.

[Curtis212]

.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I understand where you’re coming from — you don’t think that she would cheat, but you’re concerned, on the virtual eve of a proposal, that she would flatly dismiss your feelings. 😳

Here are your options: Consider if this is unusual act on her part. In other words, is she usually sensitive and generous with you — or is she someone who’s selfish and it’s “her way or the highway”? If it’s the former, maybe you can consider that the two of you are going to have disagreements and you win some; she wins some. Or, as [b]ashblue0602[/b] said, you can make deals and compromises on points of difference like this one.

I’m not sure how long you’ve been dating, but if she’s feeling frustrated that there’s been no proposal to date, she may be acting out a little and “claiming her space” because she’s annoyed. If this is the case, the proposal is going to cure this behavior. Sometimes people act hastily and don’t really mean what they did — and regret it later.

Or…. maybe you’re manufacturing a reason to have cold feet. 😮 If you really don’t think she’ll cheat on you, and this is just a social manner the two of you disagree on, you might normally let this go, but because you’re nervous about proposing marriage to her, you’re looking at everything under a microscope that might not normally be there. 😉

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Curtis212]

Thanks, April. I appreciate your insight.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Any time! 😀

[Member]

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