[loveconfused]

Okay so I got myself caught in a mess. Here it goes:

Dear April,

I have been in a relationship for a year and 8 months and I was madly in love.
Though there is another who I have fallen in love with after showing each other our emotions about each other and I have known this guy for about 3 years as friends and just this year I have realized how much I love him and how much he loves me.
My boyfriend that I am currently with has recently just really loved me more than ever which is all I ever wanted but I notice that I may be falling our of love with him and just the other day I reassured him that I loved him after we almost broke up and he came to me in tears.
Now I wish he was a cold hearten bastard like he used to be because in our past he has made me cry so much and begged him to give me another chance over stupid fights he gets so angry over.
I know if I let him go his whole world will be wrecked and he will constantly try to come to my door [he lives a block away from me] and beg me to come back and he will follow me throughout phones and computers and whatever.
Plus I will feel guilty over leaving him and I feel like if I leave him he will become nothing and since I’m going to school I can save his life by becoming something great that brings much income.

Though I feel like choosing the other guy because he has nothing to offer me and my boyfriend offers me so much now, and isn’t love just suppose to be love and not items? I mean now I feel like I’m staying with him over guilt and the things he gives me, for example he bought me a cell phone and is paying for it on a three year contract. Nobody does that unless they think you’ll be with them forever.

Though I’m scared that if I leave my bf now and the other disappoints me I risked everything for nothing.

For now I’m just thinking about trying to see where my emotions go towards the other and how I can keep that up by keeping my current boyfriend now.

If I were to let the other go how do I do it without guilt and making him cry?
And if I could make him break up with me, how do I do it?

I am just so loved confused. I’m scared to find out that I loved my bf more than I could ever realize if I break up with him but I know the other will treat me better. I don’t know what to do. 😳 😕

[Ask April Masini]

You’re doing a lot of feeling, and I’m going to ask you to use your brain a little more than you’re using your heart. 😉

First of all, I know you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend by breaking up with him, but look at it from his point of view. He doesn’t want to be with a woman who wishes she was with another man. And if you’re honest, the truth is that you are interested in dating other men. It’s hard to sustain a relationship when you’ve got your eye elsewhere. So staying with your boyfriend, but not feeling like you want to be with him, is a form of betrayal.

Second, understand that no break up is neat and without feelings. All breaks up hurt people. That’s the nature of the relationships, but it’s better to be in the game and have battle scars than to not pursue a great romantic relationship. You didn’t mention your ages, but I’m surmising that your boyfriend is an adult, and he is old enough to take care of his own heart. In fact getting into a relationship with you required his tacit signing away his rights to not having his heart broken. 😆

That said, you have to understand that if you do break up with him and start dating this old friend of yours that you’re now interested in, the same thing may happen. Either one of you may realize after some time dating that you’re not right for each other, and you’ll have learned that that relationship was not one that was meant to last. If there was insurance you could buy that compensated people for broken hearts, I bet you’d be first in line! 😉 But there isn’t. So you have to choose who you date by using your head, and not just your heart.

The best way to choose wisely is to know yourself and to know what you want in a man and in a relationship. The better you know you, the less chance you’ll have of bouncing around from guy to guy to guy. If you want to get married and you want to live a certain kind of lifestyle with a certain kind of man, then focus on that. Love is great, but it’s not enough because people do fall in and out of love, and when they’re feeling less love, the respect they have for their partner is what sustains the relationship.

It’s generous of your current boyfriend to pay for your cellphone and three year contract, and if you want someone who can support you and/or contribute to a household, then don’t waste your time dating men who can’t do that for you. You won’t be compatible with them in the long run. Don’t pass judgment on what you do and don’t want, or what anyone else does or doesn’t want. Just focus on your goal for your life.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go. 🙂

[loveconfused]

Thank you for your time and reply.

Everything you said went fine but then the last paragraph threw me off.

I feel like the man I am with now has a higher chance to supporting me than my old friend but I don’t want to be in love with the material and that my love life will be miserable. I know I can do perfectly fine on my own so either way I will support myself because I never want to be dependent on somebody else financially because you never know when there would be a break off and I never want to be struggling in life. I don’t want money to buy my love because I know I will end up supporting myself and I feel comfortable that way.

I will keep seeing my friend and having my boyfriend, yes it’s betrayal though I just want it to go on a little more to see what my old friend thinks of me first before I can decide.

[Ask April Masini]

The great thing about life is that [i]you[/i] get to make the decisions that create your own life. But decisions come with repercussions, so when you do make decisions be mindful of the possible repercussions that come with them.

I’m here if you need any further advice. I hope things go well for you. 🙂

[Anonymous]

Dear, loveconfused

Ill probably never read your response because i am kinda looking for my own answers. But well truthfully i am the male in your situation. (Not literally but i feel like it)What you are going through has definitely been noticed by your bf. He Loves you and well it sounds like he has grown up a lot since you two met and you have changed for the better together. I don’t know but it also kinda sounds like you have less relationship experience then him and feel like you want to get out and explore the dating scene.(Just a Guess?) That is normal but you should know deep down if he is right or wrong for you and if you let him go he could be gone forever. And always remember new relationships are fun for awhile but you will find yourself in the same predicament with the new guy eventually. If this new guy is more than a crush you have to let your bf go you are hurting him so much more by giving him this false sense of hope, emotional cheating is cheating. —About me—- I just wish i could find out whats going on and the more she pulls away but tells me she loves me the more its killing me inside. —– Just don’t be selfish please if you care about him but feel like its really not working out let him go as soon as possible v-days coming and its just not right and extremely selfish to keep him hanging on .whatever you do don’t jump into another relationship right away give yourself some time to heal. If you jump into another relationship that will cause your (x-bf) serious emotional scars.Do it for him let him, he will be hurt but he will heal and again please don’t blame it on him, tell him you just want to see the world and find what you really want out of life. I hope my blabbering helped, Good luck and best of wishes!

[loveconfused]

Voltage you are absolutely right, though now I just have to make sure what the other guy is saying is true, if he really feels as he loves me too, I will figure this out Friday when I meet him and I will see what happens with my current boyfriend. Because I know I will NEVER see him again if we broke up.

Thanks Voltage 🙂 Your right on the dot.

[Ask April Masini]

Boy, it was great to hear the male perspective from Voltage. He brings a lot of emotional heart to the advice you got from me. Thanks, Voltage, for giving [i]your[/i] advice! 🙂

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