[Anonymous]

I am soon going to marry my boyfriend of two years. Our relationship is going pretty strong except for when I get depressed and blow things up for some things he said to me in the past that I cannot forget. I am overweight. He is not. Irrespective of that, because of other things I have (a doctorate degree, being a dancer etc) he fell in love with me (these are his own words). When we started out, he used to express his concern about my weight quite a lot. He has said things like “I’ve always wanted to marry a thin girl” “the only thing you lack is good looks but other than that you have everything a man can ask for”, “my ex girlfriend was prettier” (this was a super skinny anorexic girl he dated for 4 months and broke up 6 months before we met), “i don’t want any gifts from you, I only want you to lose weight”, “I don’t know why guys like big ass .its like asking why do men like other men” and confessed that he has fantasized about me being thinner, my big breasts are good only if I have a flatter tummy and I should have toned legs. It sounds mean but he isn’t a mean person himself. I think he’s just a little idiot and doesn’t know how to talk or may be I’m taking it too seriously! There are times when he mentions his ex for any reference or comments about anybody else, I remember all these things and feel very depressed. I have also started to feel inferior to all the skinny girls and started to believe that no matter what I have, I cannot be good till I lose weight and become a “decent” size. More than concentrating on other things I like, I spend most of my time reading on how to eat well and exercise right and wear right clothes etc. My legs are fat (size 16), top is ok (size 12) and I am kind of disproportionate. I have been losing weight but the process is slow. I know I need to be patient, focus on the process and not the result. But I also want to stop hating myself for how I am and want to forget all those (mean) things he said in the past. I know he loves me and cares about me but this is depressing and its affecting our relationship. Please help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your boyfriend is making it VERY clear that he wants you to be thinner. So why not give it a try? It’s probably better for your health and I don’t hear you objecting to losing weight, so reconsider the ways you’re trying to lose weight. See your physician and ask him or her his advice. Make your dates active ones where you bike ride, hike, swim or do things together that are about getting fit. Change your diet to eliminate foods that make you gain weight and focus on healthy foods that also help you get the body you want without sacrificing your health.

I know you already have a fiance, but you should consider reading Think & Date Like A Man, a book I wrote for women who want to get Mr. Right. There’s a section about diet and fitness in there, and I think it would help you. Here’s that link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

Let me know how it goes and join me on Facebook! Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[Member]

Posts