[surfersam7389]

At the end of April I was asked out on a legitimate date by a guy I’ve secretly had a crush on forever–awesome, right? That date turned into two intense, blissfully happy weeks of hanging out, going out to eat, and pretty quickly sleeping together. The chemistry was perfect, the sex was fantastic, and I was on cloud nine.

However.

My perfect guy was about to leave to go out of the country for about a month and a half, which I knew from the start. No big deal, right? Before he left we had the “what are we” conversation, and he said that from his perspective, we were dating, he liked dating me, and wanted to continue to do so–he was just hesitant to rush into a serious relationship, especially with the timing being what it was before his big trip, as well as the fact that he (like myself) had within the past six months gotten out of a serious long term relationship. I accepted his answer and we decided we’d figure out where things stood when he got home.

Fast forward three weeks: I have not heard from this guy at ALL while he’s been away. I had prepared myself for this possibility–for as amazing as our chemistry is and as sweet as he is in person, he is not much of a texter. Still, the reality of it happening is a lot harder than simply anticipating it. What’s even stranger is that he seems to dodge offline when I get online; also, he read but didn’t respond to the two casual messages I sent him when he first left (for example, a quick “Hope you made it okay!” Still, no response). Perhaps, no, definitely most offensively, he is clearly very frequently online and is always “liking” other people (other people including other girls)’s Facebook statuses and pictures, but won’t for anything that I post. It’s almost as though he is purposely ignoring me and I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to figure out why–I fucking went down on the guy, for Christ’s sake (and I don’t do that for just anyone!).

My dilemma now is this: I have a message that I want to send him, nothing threatening, just a “Hey, it looks like you’re having an amazing time… I’ve just gotten the vibe that you’ve been ignoring me, and I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t bothered me. I’m just confused after the conversation we had” yada yada yada. I’ve been holding off on sending the message after analyzing the situation very closely with a couple of friends who think I should give it more time–fair enough. I guess I’m just wondering now, is it even worth sending? Should I just write this whole thing off as a casual fling (as much as it would pain me to do so)? Or should I wait until he gets back to have this conversation? I suppose my biggest fear is that this avoidance will continue when he gets back; I don’t want to look forward to his return only to have been rejected twice. What’s a lovesick girl to do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re not in the dark or confused — you’re angry. 😉 You spent two weeks with a guy and now he’s showing you with his behavior and his silence that he’s not into you. I know this is disappointing, but that’s part of dating. My advice is not to send any more e-mails or texts. You already know what his reaction is going to be — more silence. Instead, take that energy and turn it around. Learn from your mistakes — for instance, the first three months of dating anyone (even a longtime crush) are to figure out if you want to continue seeing that person. You should assume he’s dating others, as should be you — so you don’t invest too much in someone who’s possibly not that into you. If you do have sex with him, don’t keep score and expect that you can leverage the sex into emotions. It doesn’t work that way. Have sex because you want to — if you want to, but don’t try to get something in exchange for it.

I hope that helps. You’re going to feel a lot better when you do move on. 🙂

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