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So the short version of this story goes as such.
We got in a fight on our way home from my parents house. My g/f was driving and pulled over on the shoulder of the road. Keep in mind it is the middle of the night and we are on a frontage road, very dangerous spot to stop and there is no light, it’s pitch black out. My gf gets out of the car and disappears, apparently started walking up the road. 20 mins go by and I call my parents for a ride home, because I cannot find my gf anywhere and My daughter is in the back seat.
20 min after i get home my gf comes home with her friend and begins trying to kick me out of our apt. ends up no one leaves i’m on the couch she’s in the bed room crying, she comes out to talk and I don’t want to talk about it. we each go to bed and the next three days are tense in our house. by day 3 i appologize and try to keep her from moving out, but she already has a place and moves out later that next week. we agree to keep seeing each other and to try and make it work.
when she moved out she took some of my stuff. so about a month goes by and she wants half the deposit for the place and i want my stuff. to try and get this issue gone so we can start moving forward I ask her about it, she doesn’t want to give up the stuff i didn’t want to give her the money and she tells me never to talk to her again…
13 weeks go by and we cross paths… we see eye to eye and she gets emotional, and we continue down the road without a word because we were both driving. a few weeks after that my family runs into her with a new guy, but when she see my family she quickly detaches from him approaches my family in a good mood happy to see them (out of character) and quickly leaves new guy behind to catch up. at this point i do not know if she is dating this guy or not.
the next week it is her birthday and I send her a message. I get a reply. I think a small channel of communication could be reestablished… the next day i pour my heart out to her in a letter. very profound very sincere. Next day i also send her the money for the deposit hoping that will help clear the air a bit… the next day I call her and make sure she got the money and the letters. she thanks me for the letters and that she appreciated them and also thanked me for the money. I asked her if we could continue to be friends and she got emotional and went off on a tangent about how much I hurt her. but she calmed down and said she wanted to clear the air. 12 hrs later i get a text saying she thinks it’s a bad idea to meet.
a week goes by and this is driving me nuts… sent her two text over the course of a week and no answer. finally out a desperate move to get some information and some closure on the situation I call her parents. I get her mom on the phone.
I explain what happened and try to tell her about what I’m working on to improve myself and what i realized went wrong in the relationship and how I plan to fix those things and move forward. I find out my gf now ex-gf has a boyfriend and that the letter turned her world on its head. she wasn’t sure if she wanted to try and fix things with me or stay with the new guy.
a few hours later my ex calls me and wants to know what I want from her. she isn’t happy with me. I try to explain what i’m doing and how i’m bettering myself and telling her about my life. she wants to talk about the relationship and how it always ends up we hurt each other and she doesn’t want to try it again. she tells me about her life and how shes making improvements and that she loses her best friend in a month and it took her quite a while to admit and with some emotion in her voice that she had a bf… but she says I called her a thief and that “she has too much self respect to ever date me again”.
How on earth do I fix this mess.
This is the woman I want to spend my life with and we were heading down the path to marriage and to buying a house.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This isn’t complicated — it’s just disappointing. She’s moved on and you want her back. That’s it in a nutshell. To try and get her back, you’re going to have to compete for her and win her over. This is going to be particularly difficult since she’s got a boyfriend, but that’s the simple arena for what’s in front of you. I hope that helps cut through any complications you were seeing.

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