[Anonymous]

I am in a complicated situation. My friends past friend and I are dating. She supposedly use to date him but not sure. When he was out of town, before I knew he liked me or anything, i had a one night with his brother. I was never interested but was having hard times and it happens. So in Jan the guy comes back from taveling and long story short we are dating. Before we started dating I told him I didnt want to date him because of my friend and his brother and he said he doesnt care he has feelings bla bla bla. We have been dating since January and I am a bit worried. We already are intimate but there are some things I dislike. For one, lately he only calls or texts me when he feels like it and he never use to do that. He went one whole week without calling me and later because we met in a public place he was all over me. When he got drunk he started saying he loves me he doesnt know why i dont love him, he`s confused bla bla bla. He is a great guy does everything and anything for me. He parties alot and enjoys life. What are signs to know this relationship might go somewhere or am I in a mess?

[Ask April Masini]

It would help to know how old you both are. If you’re old enough to want to be married or want a long term, committed relationship, children, etc., that would help me advise you, too.

You haven’t really told me anything he does that is all that terrible. If he went one whole week without calling you during the four months you’ve been dating, but behaved like a perfect gentleman the rest of the time, I don’t think that one week is a deal breaker.

Give me a little more information and I’ll see if I can help you better. 😀

[Anonymous]

I am in my 20`s he`s in his early 30`s. I agree with you that one week out of the four months is not a big deal. Maybe its just the fact that I have issues of insecurity that I need to deal with. Yes he is a perfect gentleman and is a great guy. I just dont know how to come out and tell the friend we are talking and I am scared to get hurt by him. So any little thing he does, which isnt much, I take it offensive…

[Ask April Masini]

Gosh — I’m not sure what the problem is about telling your friend that you’re dating this guy that you think she may or may not have dated sometime in the past. Didn’t he tell you whether they dated or not? I mean, you should know by now if your friend did or didn’t date him. But regardless, I don’t see the problem with your telling her about your new boyfriend. What are you afraid is going to happen?

Also, I’m not sure why you think he’s going to hurt you. Except for the one week out of four months where he didn’t call you, he’s been great.

If you don’t deal with this problem of your fear it’s going to follow you around from relationship to relationship. So find a way to man up and understand that most relationships don’t work, but that’s no reason not to play the game to win. 🙂

There is no relationship insurance, but you do get to use your own smarts and figure out through dating this guy if he is someone you want to continue to see or not. At any moment on any day, you have control of your own behavior. You can stay in the relationship or leave it. And he has those same options.

My advice to you is to try and relax and enjoy your life and your relationship. If you’re not enjoying it, and you don’t have mutual and shared goals with this guy, then at that point, move on. But right now, I’m not sure why you’re so anxious. Are you?

[Anonymous]

You are right, but now I have bigger fish to fry! I live with mom, in college funded by mom, and I found out last night am pregnant. Good news is he will be happy because he has no kids and he really wants kids. Bad news this is my third time being pregnant (miscarriage and abortion), and now for him. What should I do? Mom will either kick me out or disown me; although he will be there 100% what about mom? How am I going to face her? What am I going to do?

[Ask April Masini]

If your mother is going to kick you out or disown you, I think it’s time for you to face the music. Tell your mother you’re pregnant, and see what she says. If she does kick you out then it’s time for you to postpone school and get a job so you can pay rent on an apartment and prepare to be a single mother. If your boyfriend wants to get married, then the two of you can do that and move in together. If not, your life is about to change big time, and you’ll have to make a lot of sacrifices, but you can do it.

[Anonymous]

It`s me again April,

Plan B worked out great and I am not pregnant…Thanks for the words of encouragement. He has done his ignoring me thing again but I guess thats just how he operates. I am going to tough it out and see how things go. Thanks again

[Ask April Masini]

Please get familiar with birth control and use it. There are many reasons you should be using it, and your last unwanted pregnancy is only one of them.

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