[Anonymous]

Hi I was hoping you could help me out. my boyfriend broke up with me in december, the reason he said was that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone not just me. but we were still living together so we ended up still sleeping together a short time later. It was pretty much like we were together, we hung out all the time, slept together and some of his friends still refered to me as his girlfriend. then I told him I was moving back home for a while, we got into an argument over nothing really but I just felt like he wasn’t ever gonna make room for me in his life so I was going to go home and see my family and make the decision there if I was gonna come back or not. As it got closer to my flight home he started acting really sad and saying he didn’t want me to go. saying things like “stupid me learning my lesson” and “i’ll come down in the summer to see you and see if it might be a place I’d like to live” and the last night we spent together we had sex and afterward he said ” well that was good for the last time for a while because I’m not doing anything until you get back. he drove me to the airport the next day, hugged and kissed me and said he would see me in the summer.

when I got home I tried to keep in touch. we talked as soon as i landed but then I didn’t hear from him much. I would tell him I missed he but he wouldn’t say it back. so i asked him if he even missed me at all an he said of course he did he just didn’t want to get into all the emotional stuff. he said it was depressing there and that he checked himself in to depression therapy. I asked why it was depressing and he said because there was nothing to do and no one to talk to. I made my decision that I was going to go back but he told me it couldn’t be like the way it was when I left because it was too confusing and that if I came back we would have to go back to our separate rooms because he doesn’t want a relationship for another few years. he says when he gets in a relationship he gets to comfortable and gets lazy and fat then becomes unhappy and he doesn’t want to do it. I asked him why he said all those things before i left and he told me he didn’t mean them he just knew thats what I wanted to hear and he wanted to make me happy. he said he still wanted to be friends and that he would still be coming in the summer to visit me and bring the rest of my stuff. he told me he still wants me in his life. but lately he never talks to me and when he does he is kind of agressive.

Please help. what is going on? I would never want him to do something he doesn’t want to I’m not going to force him into a relationship but he is like a best friend to me and I don’t want to lose that

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This is only confusing because you’re not listening to him. 😳 He doesn’t want to be in the relationship. 🙁 He doesn’t want a serious relationship with you. He doesn’t want to hurt you — but unless you take care of yourself, he’s not going to and you will get hurt even more. Your job is to understand that he’s giving you [i]a clear message[/i] that he wants to move on. Stop clinging to any nice thing he says to you or any sex you have after he’s told you he doesn’t want things to be the same any more. Men have sex because they can. Women look for emotional attachment in sex. Understand the difference — and how it’s hurting you.

Now, you have to decide if you want to find Mr. Right or not, because if you do, and I’m assuming that’s why you’re here, you have to move out, let go of someone who IS NOT your best friend — he’s your future ex-boyfriend — and move on alone (for now).

Breaking up is hard to do, but when you try to talk yourself out of what’s really happening, YOU’RE the one who is confusing the situation and setting yourself up for even more heartbreak because you’re dragging out the inevitable.

I hope that clears things up for you. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[Member]

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