[Anonymous]

I really don’t even know how 2 start. Well I have been with my kids father for almost 13 years. We have 2 wonderful kids our daughter is 8 & our son is 5. Our relationship hasn’t been the best as I’m sure none are. The kids father 4 the most part was emotionally as well as physically abusive at times. Through the ears I guess I just seen myself stuck. He would keep me in the house away from my family & friends but not his. He could come & go as he pleased cause in his words “He’s a man” while I stood home like a good little house wife. Since August of 2010 I decided 2 go back 2 work & claim some independence back. While at work though I met someone. At first it was nothing but me having a little crush on a customer but is very soon became a lot more. I have had an affair with this man now for a few months & although it hasn’t been that long I have grown strong feelings for him. He is also married but claims he & his wife are separated but living in the same house. He claims to be as in love with me as I feel for him. Now my relationship with my kids father is strained at best. He came home drunk one day & decided to put his hands on me & i sent him to jail. He is now in a program & getting help for his issues. The kids were not here when this happened & don’t know what i been through they only know they want daddy home. At this point a lot of time has passed & we are trying to get through all the bad & try to work things out but I cant seem to get over the one that I have been having an affair with. I’m constantly thinking about him & i work across the street from him. He is the one i want to be with but my kids father is the one i need to be with. how do i move on if i cant let go of a man that wasn’t mine to begin with.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Things are different when you’re a mother. You don’t come first any more. Your children do. That’s why you have to start cleaning up your act.

First of all, your boyfriend is married and so are you. You’re fooling yourself by believing he’s “separated” when he lives in the same house as his wife! 😕 He’s never going to be yours as long as he’s married and living with his wife. Admit it: he’s taken. And news flash: So are you! Let him go. Your feelings are not as important as your behavior because you have to be fully present for your kids. This guy is a distraction and you have enough on your plate. Sorry. I know it’s hard, but you have to stop seeing him today.

Second, if you are committed to making your marriage work, then focus and do it. You and your husband have serious issues. Make sure that your children are going to be safe from his anger and temper. If they’re not, then you have to find a legal way to protect the kids. If they are, then you have to work to acclimate him back into the family from jail. This isn’t easy and it’s a process. Your marriage is going to need attention and love, as well.

I hope that clears up your confusion. Sometimes people confuse themselves because they don’t want to do the hard work of dealing with what is actually very simple — but distasteful. I think that may be your case.

Let me know if this helps and how things go.

I hope you’ll follow me as well @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

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