[aareen]

I have been in a relationship with a guy since 7 years but now we no more love each other its just like a compromise now..there is this other person who likes me and is my friend..somehow i have started liking me him also..i dont know what should i do nw…i cannot let go my previous relationship since families are involved…but i really like talking to this new guy…so what should i do please help..m really helpless and restless

[April Masini, your AskApril]

What’s the exact nature of the 7 year relationship? Are you married? Do you have children together? How old are you both? Your kids? Is this just boredom, or did something specific happen that turned you away from your relationship?

[aareen]

no we are girlfriend boyfriend…we involved our families a long time ago so that to ensure that we will get married once we complete our careers…but he changed gradually over time…he stopped giving me attention..he started to flirt around…he had girls m sure…that thing disappointed me…he stopped meeting me…so over time i got distant from him emotionally…n that i have changed my heart has changed since he mad me cry a lot..he didnot care now he wants me to act as if nothing changed…he is very cranky these days..he is always complaining that i dont pay attention to him i dont care for him…the truth is becuz he gave me soo much pain that now i have started liking another person…who really cares for me..now i dont knw what should i do? should i stick to the previous man as we are going to get married in 1 yr or i should leave him…i just donot knw please help…the new person is like he likes me alot he wants a relationship then wants to get engaged n lastly married…please suggest something

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

Do you have children together? Separately?

When you write that you’ve involved your families — do you mean your children? Your parents? What’s the nature of the family involvement?

[aareen]

we are not married and we dont have children…families are just involved to ensure that we get married some time later in the next year…i am 23 and he is 29yrs the other guy who likes me is 24

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’re both living with your mothers “to ensure that you get married later in the year”, it’s time for you to realize that that is not working. 😕 And since it’s not working, I really think you should not be living with your mother for that reason.

You also wrote that you’re both living with your mothers “until you complete your careers”. 😯 [i]What does that mean? When will you know that you’ve “completed your career”? [/i] Please clarify because this is confusing to me — and I’m sure to other readers.

Clearly, before you can think about being in a healthy relationship with anyone else, you have to have your own life in order — and be [u]available[/u] for a real relationship. When you’re both living with your mothers, you’re not really independent — which is important for being ready for a healthy relationship. And if the only reason you’re really living with your mothers is to ensure that you get married — or to ensure that you complete your careers, then the real question you need to focus on is why can’t you get married without your mothers and why can’t you complete your careers without your mothers? Needing your mothers at this age, isn’t normal, and it points to a problem that you’ve been ignoring. You’re not just not ready for a relationship, you’re not ready to be independent, which is a prerequisite for a healthy relationship. 😮

It sounds like you’re bouncing from one dependent relationship to another — because something is going wrong in your personal life that keeps you from “completing a career” (whatever that means — I’m not sure), or from facing the fact that after seven years and a pregnancy, your man doesn’t want to marry you. 😳

I know this may sound harsh to you, but you need to confront what’s really going on instead of avoiding it, or distracting and confusing yourself by pretending that the problem is something other than what it really is. 😉 The other guy you’re focusing on isn’t really your problem — he’s your distraction. 😳 Your real confusion is why you’re seven months pregnant, single, dating a man who at age 29 lives with his mother “in order to complete his career” and to “ensure he marries you”, and living with your own mother “in order to complete your career” and to “ensure your boyfriend marries you”, when he won’t, and you won’t. What you’re doing isn’t working, and you need to find a healthier living situation for yourself BEFORE you decide what your next move is. 😳

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[aareen]

u didnot understand me..we live in an asian muslim country where living with mothers is normal…n i am not pregnant…we just dated for 7 years without sex because muslims dont have sex before marriage…the thing is m confused about starting a new relationship with this new guy because he is just so decent and m getting attracted towards him…whereas the previous guy treats me like crap…n i have this feeling that m falling for the new guy…i dont knw what to do now

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry! 😮

I don’t know how I thought you were pregnant. 🙄 My mistake.

It sounds like your culture is very different from what we are used to seeing in the United States. I’m not familiar with it. So…. if you’re not married and you’re not pregnant, and you’re not engaged to be married…. AND your culture allows for it, it would seem that dating this new guy is a good idea. 🙂

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