[Charlotte19]

Hi April

Iv been interested in this guy for years . I knew when I first set eyes on him I was instantly attracted to him and the more his personality showed the more i wanted to be with him. I used to be such a extremely shy girl and lacked confidence to do anything up until recently. He came across as a real outgoing guy which made me feel intimidated to ever do anything about it.

For many years he had no idea I was interested, until one night his mate let it slip. His mate came back to me with ‘ are you really shy ‘ & more about the shyness and another mate said the same. I instantly took it as a red light an was left feeling so crushed. I mean I had spent about 4 years thinking bout this guy.

Very soon this guy got a girlfriend. But from that night out and ever since this guy has always gone red in the cheeks and would always put in the effort to talk. I put it down to the embarrassment of that night at first and he was just talking to be sociable. I really didn’t wanna get hurt by this guy again so never wanted to read to much into it. I moved on but no matter how much I tried I couldn’t completly forget about him.

I’d heard many years ago his girlfriend wouldn’t commit to moving in, getting married or having children. (She lives long distance & he has his own business here) .
He dropped it in to my family that he wanted to find some one he could do all this with. Yet to this day he remains with her.

I moved on years ago. Been with him for over 6 years. I have two children both under 2 yrs. Within these 6 year Iv discovered by piecing it all together but been made out to feel parodied along the way when Iv stated facts that this isn’t just friendship. Iv raised so many issues with him. That the guy I’m with, from day one has had very strong feelings for a girl he was seeing before me. it’s involved texting, phoning and meeting up in work places it’s been flirty and I don’t know the extent. Along the way he has put me down for everything of who I am & what I am all about, even the extent of my looks. Finally after 6 years he’s just admitted to me his feeling for this girl. He said he hasn’t spoke to her since after our 2nd child (about 6 months)??

Back to my crush in all this time has carried on with his blushing , grinning , gazing into my eyes & looking away to making every effort to spark a conversation or invade my space to get close to talk, to throwing any compliments my way, to teasing me.

So recently I thought i would give him some teasing back. He was shocked. He just went red. Next time I seen him, he said a quick hello with such red cheeks and looked straight down. I noticed he looked like he’d taken lot more care in his appearance but didn’t read to much into that. As we carried on working together, if he looked at me and I happened to be looking he’d just grin & look down it happened few times. The compilments were still coming my way and the conversation. Last few times he’s even ask’d how my family is. Next time I seen him I noticed his apperance again. It was clear it wasn’t a one off. The compliments & teasing kept coming my way still. Soon as we had some lone time he gazed down an started grinning and he ask’d was I busy but before I had time to answer he said with managing work with children. He left and said might see you next time but it looked & felt as if he was disappointed or something. I too felt disappointed as all I wanted Was progress between us.

So later that night I got his number from a friend & messaged him with a flirty question about something that had occurred during work so he would have known it was me. I had a reply 2 hrs later with 2 question marks only. Bit confused…… I left it till mid day next day to reply with a cheeky msg regarding him being stuck for words. He’s always up for laugh & always teasing so thought it wouldn’t be a issue.

I was due to see him at work 2 weeks later but avoided going. I felt a idiot. 2 weeks on again and I thought I want to see him cos I need to get to the bottom of this. I seen him, it was very simaliar behaviour to normal but it was like the interest wasn’t quite their naw and it was like he’d let his guard down and didn’t hold back on what he had to say . something was definitely missing to normal. 2 weeks on again and it’s like something major has been lost. Hardly had anything to say to me & only slight grinning when talking and looking in my direction.

I would give up my current realationship to be with this guy, I feel I have nothing to lose anymore.

I would really like your advice April on what to do next, even if it’s something I may not was to hear.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like the relationship you’re in isn’t so great. You’re boyfriend is interested in someone else, but you’ve got two children together, which is probably why you’re staying. You’re looking for a way out… and while I understand that, I think you should consider getting out no matter what. Besides, if you’re single — truly single — this long time crush may see you as someone who’s actually datable, and not just someone who’s with another guy but is flirting with him at the same time. 😕 That could be why he’s not responding the way you want him to. In addition, if you’re truly single, you may attract other interesting guys, and you won’t be in a relationship that’s unhappy and your attitude may change as a result. 😉

Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Charlotte19]

Why would this guy be so flirty & show clear signs of interested to the point he’s blushing , grinning and holding eye contact to really making every effort to make conversation about stuff he knows I’m interested in and to be coming out with bad jokes just to make me laugh. All of this has pretty much been going on since he found out from his friend years ago I was interested. But in the last 3/4 months since I returned work after been away a short time, he turned the heat up on it all .

To have not ended his realationship, but to power on with all of this since I’ve had my 2nd child. What’s going on in his head? I was hardly going to be available. ( especially as he would have heard about it ) Hence why I didn’t see a issue with messaging him.

But for me it was all going great guns, until I got his number from a friend and messaged him. I couldn’t see him getting round to asking me for a number fairly soon, and the years it’s carried on for, thought it needed a nudge in the right direction. Plus I didn’t think he would know how I’ve felt cos apart from just going shy , blushing & giving him the odd banter isn’t really enough to make a move. I’ve not really been able to talk to him for pure shyness up until I messaged him then. But after seeing him the 1st time after the messages I totally relaxed & felt comfortable cos he seemed more relaxed so was able to talk to him. So part of me wonders if I said something that turned him off. Part of me feels I may have rushed it with him? I’m going round in circles. Lol

If it was the texting while still in a realationship that’s pushed him away, should I try & drop it in about my current situation? Or carry on talking see where it goes? Part of me feels like just having a serious chat to him about the whole thing & finding out his thoughts ( it may not be the thing to do, especially how he’s been lately) so we can for once and for all just move on one way or another. I don’t wanna ever go through this again if I have to move on without him so I want some clear answers naw. It’s naw or never for him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He likes you — but when you started to chase after him, he backed off. You’re confused over this turn of events. The explanation is simple: Sometimes guys flirt because it’s harmless fun, and sometimes it’s because they want to date you or sleep with you or marry you or all three. I really do think he likes you, but when you took the lead and started contacting him, you changed the game. It became real to him, and he wasn’t in charge any more. Now, he’s stopped flirting with you and you’re wondering why. This is why. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you — it just may mean that he’s not ready to get involved with you since you’re living with your kids and their father. You’re contacting him brought the reality up front. It’s no longer just about his feelings — it’s about the responsibility that comes with his being involved with you. That’s why I suggested that you figure out what YOU want — and not make him the reason you leave your current relationship. If you really want to be single, then you should do so, whether or not he’s game. Make sense? And if you’re single, he may be more interested in pursuing you.

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