[JamesH]

Hi April and anyone else who might hopefully weigh in. This topic might seem very trivial (and I feel embarrassed to be typing it) but I’d really like some advice. Sorry it’s long but please read carefully. It’s about a girl I like.

A couple of essential details:

1. I do get plenty of female attention so it’s realistic that the girl would like me. However, I do have self-esteem issues and avoid rejection at all costs. I also have reasons for not wanting to begin a relationship at this time. This is why I behaved very stupidly during the events below.

2. The girl is somewhere between 23 and 26, at a guess, and works in a small food store close to home that I pop into once or twice per day.

OK…

– I walk into the store and a new girl working there looks up from filling a shelf, does a double take and smiles. I’m in a bad mood and ignore her but my reading was that she liked what she saw.

– Each time I see her after this she blanks me. When she’s serving me at the checkout she looks away when I make eye contact.

– After about a month, on my second visit to the store that day, she says “I’m sure I’ve seen you in here once today already”. I say I was “bored and hungry”, she says “oookay”. I joke that I’ll probably see her again later and she says, “I’m off in five, but I’ll see you on Saturday”.

– I see her Saturday, she makes a comment that I’m not buying the food that I normally buy. She’s noticed what I buy and trying to engage me in conversation. She maintains eye contact and smiles a lot.

– I see her the next week. She smiles and acknowledges me as I enter. She says to another cashier “This guy is [i]always[/i] in here on my shifts”. She seems pleased and almost proud as she says it. I joke that I’m always in there anyway and the other cashier agrees that I am.

– Next few times she blanks me, looks away.

– I start making more of an effort and saying hello when I see her.

– She starts acting warm again, makes conversation, comments that I’m not buying my usual stuff and about when her next shift is.

– I go to counter with bag from another store, she pulls it towards her to read what it says on the bag (it has a Christmas slogan on it) and we laugh at the bad pun and she blurts out that her boyfriend likes that store but she prefers the one she works in. She then looks at me intensely like she’s trying to judge my reaction. I give none (that I know of).

– I see her in the larger chain of the store that is nearby. She obviously works shifts in both. She smiles and acknowledges me but I give the impression I didn’t see her (I wasn’t 100% sure it was her at the time as it was from a distance and brief).

– Next time I see her she’s cold to me. I ask if she works in that other store and she says no. I say I thought I saw her and she continues to lie.

– Today I’m back at the big store and I see that it was definitely her.

That’s it. I know I’ve behaved stupidly so please don’t chide me for that. I know I must change my ways. The main points are that I think she’s displayed signs of interest and I haven’t really done anything but engage her in conversation that she herself initiated. I dispelled her idea that I was only there on her shifts so I haven’t come across like a stalker.

Why would she lie? I know I’ll be told to either give up or to be brave, let her know I like her and see what happens, but I’d like to get some thoughts on her behavior first.

Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Why would she lie? [/quote]

She could have lied just to cut off the conversation because she isn’t interested in chatting with you, or she’s embarrassed for some reason about working a second job there. If you really want to get to know her and even date her, it’s not a good idea to focus on what she doesn’t want to talk about. The idea is to get her to like you, and want to date you — not to feel like you’re giving her the third degree. If you do get to know her better, I’m sure she’ll tell you more about herself. 🙂

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[JamesH]

I never give the third degree. She is the one who initiates the chatting. Up until that point she seemed pleased to see me and would let me know when she would next be in the store. Now she doesn’t want me to know that she can also be found at the same store at a different location. (It’s the same job). I don’t get it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Then, you should invest your energy in someone else. 😉

[Member]

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