[stone]

Hi.

So, my bf and I had been going out for about 8 months. I’m 20 years old, he’s 22. The last time we were together he spent the night and everything was like normal til he left. He kissed me before leaving. Then, two days later he sent me a text saying he felt like taking a break and that he was unsure and he was leaving for his home-country.. This is a week ago. He is from a different country then me, and right now he is there visiting his family for 1-2 weeks. I cry every day and miss him so much. In my mind “a break” means it’s over. But I need to hear the words “over”, still. So I sent him a text asking if it was over and he said he didn’t know for sure and told me to “wait for him so we could talk” (since he’s not in the county right now). This really hurts me, breaks my heart. I can’t move on when he leaves me hanging like that and I really do want to wait for him to come back so we can talk.. He told me he had problems in his life right now and that’s why he needed a break, but he said he still liked me. I do know this is true, he has a lot of problems both at home with his family and with him self. But what do I do? What does this mean? Is it positive or negative when he is telling me to wait for him to come home so we can talk? I must add that we did not smother each other or spend to much time together, no cheating or fighting… We had it good. So what do I do? And what does this mean?

Sorry for my bad spelling, English is not my first language.. 😆

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you want a long-term, committed relationship, but it isn’t clear that he is able to give you one because of the problems you alluded to in his family and personal life. Someone can be amazing — but wrong for you because they’re not available. If his problems are going to get in the way of his being available, then he’s not Mr. RIght.

My advice is to stop waiting for him to tell you what to do. He’s doing it — and it’s not working for you because you know that his request isn’t right for you. Your emotions are valid, but it’s not very generous or giving to suddenly up and leave, say you need a break, and to wait — for some unspecified amount of time. Eventually you’re going to realize this isn’t working out for you.

This isn’t like a soldier in the military being deployed with an uncertain return date. He’s telling you to wait, but didn’t have the courtesy to let you know he was leaving. 😳

My advice is to move on, but realistically, I think you’re going to have to give yourself a time limit (be flexible), and when it’s up, if you’re not satisfied knowing what’s going on, then it’s really time to go.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[stone]

I understand that I have to stop waiting for him.. But what could this mean? If he is having problems, he should talk to me about them, right? Not run away from me.. I feel stupid waiting for him to come back to me, but I can’t help it. I am scared of what he is going to say to me when we talk.. But when I gave him another shot telling me it’s over, he didn’t take it.. What does all this mean? How can I “prepare” my self for talking to him again?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]I understand that I have to stop waiting for him.. But what could this mean?[/quote]

It could mean that he’s trying to break up with you, but doesn’t have the skills to do it gracefully. Or, it could mean that he just needs time to work out his problems, without you.

[quote]If he is having problems, he should talk to me about them, right? Not run away from me.. [/quote]

No — most guys aren’t going to want to discuss their problems with you. And from his behavior, it sounds like he’s ashamed of his problems or he might feel that for some reason you won’t approve or understand them. But the bottom line is that he doesn’t want to share them with you. Not everybody shares their problems the same way, at the same time.

[quote]I feel stupid waiting for him to come back to me, but I can’t help it. [/quote]

I don’t think you should wait for him. And the fact that you feel stupid waiting is a hint that you shouldn’t. I’m not sure why you can’t help it — it seems that you can! 😉 I know it’s not easy not getting what you want, but sometimes you’re actually dodging a bullet without realizing it.

[quote]I am scared of what he is going to say to me when we talk[/quote]

It’s okay to be scared — but it’s not okay to use your feelings to avoid real life. Again, your feelings are giving you a hint about what’s really happening that you don’t want to admit. 😕

[quote] But when I gave him another shot telling me it’s over, he didn’t take it.. What does all this mean? [/quote]

It means either 1) he didn’t have the courage to break up with you or 2) he didn’t want to break up with you, but he didn’t want to tell you what’s going on with him and he expects you to wait for him…..

[quote]How can I “prepare” my self for talking to him again?[/quote]

The best way you can prepare yourself is to process what’s happened. Right now you’re trying to “bend” the truth by imposing your own behavior and values onto him. Because YOU wouldn’t behave the way he did, you’re trying to figure out why he did what he did and what it means. I’m inviting you to take a step or two backwards and get a bigger picture of who he is and how he behaves. Take it in. Process it. And that’s how you’ll be ready.

I know this is tough on you — but you CAN do it! 😀

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[stone]

Thank you so much. He told me he might be back in two weeks, but I don’t think he has ordered the plane ticket yet… But he did tell me to stay away from boys until then, so.. I guess he just need’s his break from everything. He had a little drug problem, and a few weeks ago he stopped and have since then talked alot about taking a vacation to get away from that a little wile.. And like I said he has problems at home. Two weeks seems like a long time, but if I have fun with friends I think I can get by and see what he has to say when he comes back.. Gah, I just hope it’s worth it 🙄

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s not. 😳 But you’re going to have to find out on your own. Hopefully, you won’t invest too much more time in him. Re-read the advice here, and see if after a while, it makes more sense to you.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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