[Stormblue8]

Dear April
I had been dating a guy for around eight months before we decided to break up to focus on our studies and because it wasn’t really working out. After that we still remained very close friends and it was almost like we were in a relationship in everything but name. A few months after we broke up we thought about getting back together but called it off because of some petty reasons. Two weeks after this I found out that he and my best friend liked each other. Needless to say i was shocked, hurt, confused and frustrated. I did in fact have it out with them and told them a few things that i was thinking, but not everything. I didn’t want to tell them exactly how i felt because i spend 6 hours a day with this girl plus another 6 hours at tuition’s so i did not want to make things awkward. They started dating a month after they told me they liked each other and i really tried to be okay with everything. The problem was that i still had feelings for him before I found out they liked each other so getting over him has been extremely challenging, especially after seeing them together everyday in College. I had really begun to make my peace with everything and my relationships with both of them were good(she believes we are still “best” friends) till last week. See, my ex and i had planned on watching star wars when it released ages ago, even before we started dating, so we did go for the movie together, alone. I, being a big fan had bought a star wars skirt and was saving it to wear to watch the movie. Apparently he never told her we were going for the movie together so when she found out later at lunch where the three of us and a few other friends met she was upset. I can understand her being upset that he didn’t tell her they were going but the rest of her reaction seemed unreasonable to me. She called a common friend of ours saying things like “her skirt was too short” or “her neckline was too low”,etc and claiming that i was somehow trying to get back with him. Now believe me when i say that was the last thing on my mind, i am not someone who dresses inappropriately(the skirt was just a little above knee length) or tries to do anything with anyone else’s boyfriends. I was actually extremely disgusted by her behavior and wanted to give her a piece of my mind but our common friend told me not to as we had New Year’s plans and she wants us all to be together. Our friend told me to “just accept what had happened and take the yelling she wants to give you”. Obviously i didn’t want to do that but i also didn’t want to make things awkward so i took the diplomatic route and explained what had happened being careful not to apologize. She seems to have accepted the explanation and has apologised for her behavior. But i am extremely disgusted by her behavior and i find myself reluctant to act like things are normal again. She has basically slut shamed me, a thing which i believe is the reason for the slow march of feminism and has made me feel extremely bad about myself. Although i am not exactly averse to the idea of getting back with my ex if the chance presents itself(as i truly believe we both could have been good together) i am not consciously working towards it and would never so much as look at him in that way while he is with another woman. How should i proceed?

[Taven03]

You should be mad… But also keep in mind some of the following. (sorry if this sounds awkward I rewrote this and now it sounds weird)
It sounds like she might be having trust issues. I think things will be alright with time… Remember the ex card is a big thing with both men and women. She might have been slut shaming but the underlying cause is that you are his ex and you have right to be mad at her. If you can build up that trust again with her and find ways to reassure her that before anything happens between you and him, that you will inform her. Also try to make a girl’s night and leave the guys behind.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The problem is that you’re not over the break up of your ex, and you’re rubbing your own nose in it by socializing with him and your friend who are dating each other. It’s just too close for comfort — literally. My advice is to accept that things have changed and it’s a little bit crazy to have thought you would all be unaffected by everything that’s happened. This is the moment to look for some new friends. As difficult as that may seem, I think you’re relying on these people too much for friendship and it’s just too difficult for anyone to get through this way. Expand your circle of friends and spend less time with both of them. 😉

[Member]

Posts