[adviceplease2012]

Giving you a summary…..I have been with my partner for almost 3 years and things seem to be at a total standstill, which I don’t understand.
He is 43 and I am 39, we are both divorced and both have 2 children each (all of whom get on like brother and sister). He still has his house (that he owns – a massive house), which is empty 98% of the time as he lives with me, but refuses to make it a permanent arrangement as he says he is not ready, yet he refers to me, my children and his children as ‘his’ family. He will leave my house each morning and say what time he ‘will be home’, and he will come home for dinner each night, yet if anyone asks him if we live together he will outrightly say: NO!……and he does not contribute anything to my rent, and on the odd occasion, he will put in a small amount to contibute to bills. He pays a cleaner to go clean his house every week, while I have to clean the one that we all live in while I work full time. I do all our washing, cooking and cleaning.

Now that I have painted the bad points, during our time together he has taken me around the World twice to some of the most beautiful places in the World: Paris, Canada, Europe, even to my family’s home country that I had not had the fortune of visiting for 30 years, and some of his favourite places in the World…….because? he wanted to share them with me. He also tells me how much he loves me at least once a day. He has also taken all of us on amazing ‘family’ holidays and is even talking about taking all 6 of us overseas in January.

My confusion lies in situations such as:

– When we met, he told me he wanted the whole commitment thing, but would only consider moving in together after 2 years of dating. That time came and went and he ignored it and when the time for conversation came up, he said he wasn’t ready
– He lives at my house every night, at best he sleeps at his house 1-2 nights per month
– Recently my lease was up on my house (A month before I expected) and when I was madly trying to work out what I could do as my rent at my premise is VERY expensive, he said that I would never be homeless as I had plently of friends that would let me sleep on their lounges. No, this was not a joke. Consequently, I have now resigned my lease for another year. He still sleeps here every night and has been horrified / offended in the past if I have asked for a night at home alone with my children.
– He keeps buying expensive goods for HIS house that I have at my house, such as very expensive goods, furniture, etc and will never offer to bring anything down to my house if there is something I need, I often borrow things from friends, rather than my partner. I am a single mother, I earn a good wage, but supporting my children on my own with no other financial backing from my ex can make things financially tight, so there is not much to buy expensive goods, or things I might need.
– If he needs to pick his children up from his ex-wife’s house, he will drop me and my children off in the local town, or at a cafe, park, etc so he doesn’t upset his ex, despite the fact I have met her and we have been in a close relationship for 3 years.
– He says he wants to live together and loves me, yet financially, generally, I am on my own and have to fend for myself.

I love him dearly and want a life with him, but am worried that the line in the sand keeps changing and I doubt there will ever be more than we have despite what he says. He talks about us being a family, but as I am concerned, we are not, we don’t officicially live together, or have anything other than a ‘girlfiend / boyfriend / friends with benefits’ arrangement. I don’t want to be old and grey and alone. I am wondering whtether to stay, or end the relationship in case there is someone out there that wants the whole package with me. Most of his friends and family have told me he is crazy to leave me in this position and to potentionally let me go.

Please offer some advice.
Many thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s never going to marry you. 🙁 He’s made it monumentally clear. It’s your move — and it has been for some time now. Stop making excuses and see the situation for what it is.

If you want a man who is going to marry you, break up with him and look for Mr. Right. He’s not it. Sorry. 😳

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [u] [/u].

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