[jamie5]

Dear April,
My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years now. We have 1 child and one on the way. Recently due to a family problem of mine I have not been home much maybe 2 days a week, this has been for about a month now. A few days ago when I was home i decided to go through my bf’s phone( we have had problems in the past which has made me insecure and a lil confused about his faithfullness) I saw that he had an account with a social network. I was able to gain access to his account and found that he was talking to a few girls. Some girls he would message simply stating that they were sexy and or beautiful, but they’re were 2 other females 1 whom was selling herself for money he had asked how much she costed and what did the price get him though he never responded to her answer this upsets me. And the 2nd female he was talking to quite a bit. And had given her his cell number and also offered to go see her on 1 occasion.. now that was just the msgs on a couple of his profile statuses he put 1 as any girls wanna party at my house(which we share a home and I was not there) an another status as he was looking for a friends with benefits. When I confronted him with all of this his excuses were he’s lonley because I am not home and he wants company, he likes the feedback of other women. He also said he wouldn’t have cheated on me though just wanted to know if other women were interested. Things have been boring for us lately and we both seem unhappy. I tried to leave him cuz of this but he says he wants me to stay and for us to work things out. I want to believe him but I’m not so sure of his actions. So please give me your input. I’m sorry the msg is so long but I didn’t want to leave anything out.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

If you want to make your relationship better, then he’s making it pretty clear what he wants — attention, not to be left alone, and you’ve added that things are boring, so you need to spice them up! 😎 My advice is that you make him your priority — not extended family — spend more time together doing fun things. Attend to your sex life, too! It’s easy to let yourself go with all that’s on your plate, so make keeping yourself up, and sexy, a priority.

I know this feels like I’m asking you to do a 180 — because you want to blame him for bad behavior, but keep your eye on the ball. If the goal is to stay together, you have to do your part to keep him in the game! 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[jamie5]

Hey april,
Since I’ve wrote and recived your input(even though this was only last week) things have already gotten better between my man and I. We actually sat down and talked about everything in our relationship, which we haven’t done in a long time. During this sit down together he deleted his social networking account he was on. I also have been taking your advice and have been home. Which he loves. And for the first time in a long time he has taken the iniative for us to spend a weekend together alone. So things are going good now, and I expect it to continue that way. Thanks for your advice!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome! 😀

[jamie5]

Hey april!
I’m writing to you for more much needed advice. Since the last time I wrote you things between my boyfriend ad I have gotten way worse. A few weeks after my last post to you everything went down hill dramatically. I did take your advice last time but things just got worse. My bf completly stopped communicating with me, would not do his part in making our relationship work and even stoped having sex with me. I got tired of it all and broke up with him. We continued to live together for a few weeks until he told me he needed space from me and that I should move out until we got our new home a week or so before the birth of our son. So I moved out. Keep in mind I was accusing him of cheating due to everything on his part. Anywho, a few weeks after moving out I found out he was in a relationship with a girl he met online, on the exact site I found him on prior to all of this. When I confronted him with it he lied to me about everything. I knew he was lying because I actually contacted this girl. I felt I had the right to since he was telling me he still planned on making me his wife and he loves me. Yet he’s seeing another girl. When he found out this girl and I were talking he broke up with her. But just recently him and I started talking about making things work etc etc but this girl continues to tell me he still talks to her. He denies it of course. Both this other girl and I want to be with him. so I know it is a possibilty she could be lying to me. But what I just don’t understand is if he wants to be with me like he says why can’t he just be with me? We’ve definitly had our ups and downs both his and my fault but can his actions be justified in some way? Does my past mistakes give him right to do all of this? Should I just let go of him for once and all or hang in there and wait for him to want me again? Since I broke up with him he tends to throw that in my face a lot. And once I found out he was dating I started dating a guy aswell which he found about through my family he was not happy about this. And even threated the guy if I didn’t stop seeing him. So there’s everything. I hope you can help me better than I’ve been helping myself.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

You have to figure out [b]why[/b] you want to be with someone who kicked you out of the house when you were pregnant. 😯 This doesn’t seem like someone who is a good person or a good match for you. 😳

I can also give you a couple of tips regarding relationships:

1. You act like you have “rights” in a relationship and it’s just not so. 😥 You don’t. I think you went down a couple of bad paths because you thought you had a right to do certain things.

2. You asked me if his actions can be “justified”. Again, you’re using legal terms and this isn’t a legal relationship. You’re not married and the only legal obligations are between you and he as parents towards your children.

3. I can explain his actions to you, but you probably already understand and don’t want to accept them. He lost interest in his relationship with you and found someone else. Then he kicked you out because you were complicating things for him. You didn’t have mutual goals and his were more important to him than you and the children were. 😳

4. You’re a single mother, and dating affects your children. It’s fine if you’re dating someone else, but don’t date someone else just to get back at your ex. It’s going to hurt your kids. Your ex’s threatening your new boyfriend is a bad situation.

Since it seems like you’ve broken up with your ex and moved on, my advice is that you get a child support order and a visitation schedule so you and your ex can work out a structure that benefits your children (first ) and the two of you, as well. 😉

Let me know how things go — I hope this helps.

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