[Nwalker0618]

I have been seeing this guy for about a month and a half now, he is in the military, great person, we talk everyday, I have never once asked him if he wants to get together, he always plans the dates or asks what I want to do, and takes the initiative to see me which I like. We have slept together, and even just went back to his place to watch a movie and go to sleep nothing more. Here’s the problem, he got orders to deploy to Iraq January 7th, we have talked about everything, he still wants to see each other, take it slow and just go day to day which I agree. I have told him that if he needs me or wants me to be there for him through his deployment that iam willing to do so, because I care for him. I like this guy so much, but I don’t want to show it to him in fear of being pushy or losing him. I feel like he is trying to protect his heart from getting broken, and I want him to know that I would never try to hurt him in anyway. How can I get him to let his guard down? What do you think is the best advice for me? Thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve only been dating for a month and half — that’s not a long time, and yet, his impending deployment makes time seem to hasten. He’s off to Iraq in a couple of weeks, and you want to be there for him without seeming needy or desperate because your relationship is so new. I get it. My advice is to give him a lot of love and don’t bring up any relationship definitions. You’re about to become part of a long-distance relationship with someone who’s going into a military deployment overseas. This is a special situation. Give affection, without commitment, and hint to him that you’re here for him and you care about him and you’re going to be in touch with him and you want to see him or be there for him when he gets home. Give him a meaningful Christmas gift, have a romantic New Year’s Eve and keep in touch with him, while still figuring out if the two of you want to continue seeing each other. I know that’s harder to do than it is to just say, but that’s your challenge! 😉 You sound like a good person who doesn’t want to hurt him, and you needn’t worry that that isn’t coming through. It is. He is in charge of his own heart, and your job is to be clear and warm and empathetic. Three things! You’re both anxious about the change in this new relationship — and if you weren’t, you wouldn’t be normal. Relax. Be present. And stay communicative without pressuring yourself or him.

I hope that helps.

[Sally]

It’s hard liking someone this much when life is about to pull them in another direction. But honestly, it sounds like he likes you too. Guys don’t plan dates, talk every day, and bring you into their quiet moments if they don’t feel something real starting.
Him taking it slow isn’t a sign he’s unsure of you. It’s him trying not to drag you into something heavy right before a deployment. That kind of distance makes people guard their hearts.
You don’t need to make him “let his guard down.” Just keep showing up the way you already are steady, warm, not pushy. He’ll feel that. And when he’s ready, he’ll open up more on his own.
For now, let the connection breathe. You don’t have to hide how you feel, just share it gently, in small ways. That’s usually what builds trust.

[Tara]

You keep asking how to “get him to let his guard down,” but what you really want is a commitment he’s not offering. He’s telling you slow, day by day, because that’s all he’s willing to give.

You’re trying to romanticize it as emotional caution, but it’s just logistics. He’s not ready to promise anything to anyone, and you’re trying to squeeze reassurance out of a situation that isn’t built for it. If you push, you’ll scare him off.

If you stay silent, you’ll torture yourself. The blunt truth: stop trying to turn this into a relationship before he leaves. Enjoy what you have, keep your dignity, and stop auditioning for a role he hasn’t offered. If he wants more, he’ll say it. If he doesn’t, you’ll know soon enough. But you cannot “win” him by being the most loyal, available, supportive woman before he even asks — that just turns you into an emotional safety net, not a partner.

[Member]

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