[mikeyj125]

So I’m a senior and so is she, we’re going to college really close to each other, let’s call her Krista. Krista has a perfect personality, both left handed, she knows how to express emotion in words perfectly. We kinda became friends back in 2010 in 6th grade (always had the worlds biggest crush on her) and we had a very close friendship. we’d skype everyday even when we had nothing to talk about. on 4/26/2011 she told me she liked me. this was great. but I’d allready thought about this and how a relationship in 6th grade would never last. I kinda moved around the subject because i didn’t want to mess things up for later in life. I told myself “senior year if I still feel this way I’ll date her”. so life goes on, we still skype occasionally through 7th grade, we both got in relationships in 8th grade but still talked always. so she was in a relationship till 10th grade with this guy, let’s call him Brad. they just kinda stopped talking but never officially broke up. in 11th grade – middle of 12th , I was in a relationship with a girl who I thought was the closest thing to Krista I could get but it wasn’t her. I take relationships very seriously. we were best of friends and Krista and I would hang out more than my gf and I would. my gf and i’s relationship wasn’t the bestbut it was still there. eventually Krista said convinced me that I should break up with her, of corse I did she’s been right about everything in my life before. so time keeps rolling on, one day we’re hanging out in my car and she just comes over and kisses me. I look down and said “what was that about” she just blushes and says “I kinda like you” so that keeps going on and a month later were still texting all romantically and stuff like we practically were dating but not officially. I asked her to prom, she said yes. about three weeks later texts start getting spaced apart, starting to be casual conversation. so one day I go to this party and Krista and Brad, who has a girlfriend that he’s had for a very long time, are sitting togeather holding hands. as soon as I walk in they stop holding hands but don’t move each others side. I text her that night asking what was up with that and she says she doesn’t know how she feels about us and she still has feelings for Brad. so a week or so goes by and I am getting slim to none texts but when I bring up prom then she says she still wants to go with me. I can check her location too and she is in random spots I assume hanging out with Brad, I find her car parked in random parking lots but her location is in a random corn field approach or something. When I ask her about it she makes up something. I loved her for 6 years of my life and I am wondering if she actualy felt something. I really want to still either be friends or date her. she is perfect in every way. I’m considering writing her a letter explaining all our memories and how I feel about this and giving it to her after we graduate. what should I do?

[AskApril Masini]

Ask her out on a date! 🙂

[mikeyj125]

[quote=”April Masini”]Ask her out on a date! 🙂[/quote]
I feel if I do this she would not either make up something that she’s doing, or just straight up say no. she’s been very distant lately and hanging out with Brad non stop, even though he has a girlfriend.

[AskApril Masini]

You wrote that you’re confused, and I’m suggesting that you ask her out to clarify the situation. If she says yes, you know she’s interested. If she says no, you’ll know she’s not. That will take care of the confusion you were concerned about.

As for your feeling scared, I understand that — but the reality is that if you don’t face your fears, you’re going to have much bigger problem: regret. To ask and get shot down is a lot better than never asking because you’re scared and always regretting the decision.

Heartbroken, well that happens in life when you don’t get what you want. Welcome to the human race! 😉 It’s okay to feel sad that you didn’t get what you want, but just try to live with clarity and confidence as your goals. You’ll be able to navigate social situations much more easily with those skills. 😀

[mikeyj125]

[quote=”April Masini”]You wrote that you’re confused, and I’m suggesting that you ask her out to clarify the situation. If she says yes, you know she’s interested. If she says no, you’ll know she’s not. That will take care of the confusion you were concerned about.

As for your feeling scared, I understand that — but the reality is that if you don’t face your fears, you’re going to have much bigger problem: regret. To ask and get shot down is a lot better than never asking because you’re scared and always regretting the decision.

Heartbroken, well that happens in life when you don’t get what you want. Welcome to the human race! 😉 It’s okay to feel sad that you didn’t get what you want, but just try to live with clarity and confidence as your goals. You’ll be able to navigate social situations much more easily with those skills. 😀[/quote]

i feel like if I ask her out it would be too assertive, do you think just continuealy making conversation with her for awhile before I ask her out would be a better plan?

[AskApril Masini]

Nope. 😉

[mikeyj125]

[quote=”April Masini”]Nope. 😉[/quote]
how do I go about asking this?

[AskApril Masini]

“Would you like to have dinner with me on Saturday?” or “Would you like to go to a movie on Friday night with me?”

[Sally]

I don’t think you imagined it. I think she did feel something. But feeling something and choosing it are two different things. Right now she’s half in, half looking back, and that’s why you feel so confused. Anyone would. Being pulled close and then kept at arm’s length messes with your head.

The hardest part is that she’s not being straight with you. The hiding, the stories that don’t line up, the prom thing while pulling away… that’s not kindness, even if she doesn’t mean to hurt you.

About the letter. I get why you want to write it. Just be honest with yourself about why. If it’s to finally say your truth and let it go, that can be okay. If it’s to change her mind, that’s a lot to put on paper.

Sometimes loving someone means accepting they can’t meet you where you are. That realization sucks. But it’s also how you stop bleeding slowly.

[Tara]

You wasted six years romanticizing a girl who has never chosen you. She liked you in 6th grade, and you rejected her. From that moment on, the dynamic flipped. You became the emotional backup, the safe attention source, the guy she leans on while chasing other men. She kissed you because she liked the validation, not because she chose you. And the second Brad reappeared, you were sidelined without hesitation.

Her actions are crystal clear,r even if your feelings are not. She lies to you. She hides from seeing Brad. She strings you along for prom while emotionally pulling away. She keeps you close enough to feel wanted but never close enough to commit. That isn’t confusion, that’s selfishness. And no, she does not respect you the way you respect her. You’re not “perfect for each other.” You’re emotionally invested, and she’s emotionally opportunistic.

Do not write her a letter. That would be desperate, self-humiliating, and would cement you forever as the guy who loved her more than she ever cared to love you. Grand confessions don’t create attraction; they expose imbalance. She already knows how you feel. She just doesn’t care enough to choose you.

[Member]

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