[Anonymous]

I hope to get some advice. I’m 28 yrs old and a “former?” sex addict. I was sexually abused and raped from the age of 6. 5 yrs ago, I met the love of my life and went to therapy (both individual and couples therapy) because we wanted to get married and I/we had a lot of issues to work through first. Through therapy and a supportive man, I was finally happy. We lived together and had plans for a family. Then, he passed away unexpectedly – this was 2 years ago.

I have been single this entire time and abstinent as well. However, I do have my needs sexually, and have been handling business by my own hand. My friends are concerned and want me to get out there and date again. About 3 months ago, I started dating someone (I wouldn’t even really say “dating”, moreso, talking to…). Well, last night, we had sex (for me, the first time in 2 yrs). Now I’m freaking out…STDs? Pregnancy? (even though we were careful) and I really wasn’t into it. I can’t explain it – almost like I didn’t want to be touched.

What’s going on? Am I just not ready to move on yet? Is this normal? Could it have something to do with my past abuse? I have read that abused children either have difficulty being touched as adults or they go the other extreme. I believe that alot of my “prior” addiction came from the abuse, but since I have been uninvolved with anyone for 2 yrs now – is it possible that now I’m freaked out? I have never felt this way before…. 😕

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your past was traumatic, but more important is the death of your live in boyfriend two years ago. I think that you’re reacting to being with someone for the first time since you were with your boyfriend, and you’re hitting some bumps in the road. I wouldn’t be too quick to tag this as trauma or historical dysfunction. For now, chalk it off to just sleeping with the wrong guy!

I hope that helps. Don’t over think and take time getting back into the dating whirl. Let me know how things go, and I’d like it if you’d follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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