[Anonymous]

I have been in a relationship for 5 years (since I was 16). We live together now and we fight ALOT. But, My boyfriend loves me very much an would like to even marry me. I’m not so hip on the idea of marriage and kids.

I have an ex who I never got 100% over. It’s kinda silly considering that we dated like 7 years ago. We never talk much tho.

A few months ago I kept dreaming about my ex. Then out of the blue he contacted me and wanted to see me. That whole scenario kinnda freaked me out. Since then, I’ve visited a few times. We talk more often now on the Facebook, bout once a week. He’s allways eager to see me. Apparently he has drempt about me, but said he forgot the specifics. He always says he misses me. He always gives me a hug before I leave.

I’m smitten with my ex. I haven’t been happy with my current boyfriend for a long time now. I can’t really take care of myself right now so i’m sort of stuck for the moment. I would never actually cheat on him tho.

Do you think my ex could feel the same for me as I do for him? I belive so. What are the chances of a guy holding interest in a girl for 7 years? It seems like we have something really special. I might jsut be swept up in a fairytale but Everything in me is saying go for it and the world is like “How many more signs do I need to throw at you?”

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your real problem is that you’re 21 years old and you’re dependent on a boyfriend you no longer want to be with, to take care of you. 😳 But because you’re so dependent, when things aren’t working out with the boyfriend, you can’t leave because you want him to provide you with a house, food and clothing, etc. 😕 The confusion for you comes when you think your problem is a choice of two boyfriends. It’s not. It’s where you’re going to live and how you’re going to be supported. You want a new home, but instead of looking at the classified real estate, you’re looking for boyfriends as landlords instead. 🙁 I hope this isn’t too harsh. I want to try and cut through your confusion so you can see how to get out of your rut. 🙂

The first thing you have to do is understand that the relationship you’re in is fading. You got involved at a very young age, and you’ve been with the same guy for seven years. You’re fighting a lot and you’re interested in someone else. All signs point to the relationship’s end. But instead of breaking up, which would be the normal thing to do, you don’t want to without having another boyfriend who will let you live with him, lined up first. So you’re looking for signs that this ex-boyfriend will be your next sure thing.

It’s impossible to know if he’s going to be a great boyfriend without going through the normal steps of dating. Behavior trumps language, so if he starts dating you and showing you with his actions that he’s committed to you, you’ll know he’s Mr. Right. 😉 But in order to do that, you have to extricate yourself from you current relationship. SO….. you have to find a job and a place to live. You can try going back to your parents’ home, if they’ll allow it, or another relative’s house until you get your income flowing. You can also find a cheap rental with female roommates.

THEN… you can start dating your ex-boyfriend — and any other guys you meet! But you have to get your life in order, first. Don’t fool yourself — it only leads to confusion.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the feedback. though, i believe you got the wrong impression about my living situation. I do have a min wage job and everything…. I am also doing a 40hr/week no-pay internship. I just got done with college classes. I want to provide for myself, and i will be able to once i enter my career. I don’t want to live with another guy or girl. I am aware that me and my boyfriend have been together way too long. But for now I’m just doing what I feel is best/easiest. I actually do have a plan, eventho it isn’t the best. 🙂
My concern was more about how the ex’s intentions. I just thought it was very odd for him to chase after me, even tho I have a boyfriend and considering all those years. I don’t think he just wants to screw me, LoL. I’m sorta a prude ,so ya. He has never came out right and said anything like he wanted to be with me. It’s more like he’s testing the waters to see where I stand. We’ve danced around the idea in the past a few times before.
In the past, i belive he was a little embarassed of me a little, even though he cared about me. I was pretty dorky. Now I’m all grown up,honistally, I’m probably too good for him. He lives with his mom, LoL
When I talk to him he talks about his accomplishments and plans and what not. A few years ago I thought “I cant be with him if he aint even graduated High school” Then he got his GED. Then it was “well, he wont have a college degree” He’ll graduate next semester. And more recently ” But He dosent have a job” Well he actually just got a good one close to where I live.

Thank You!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote] I can’t really take care of myself right now so i’m sort of stuck for the moment.[/quote]

Your quote, above, is what made me think you need to take care of yourself before you even think about dating anyone.

[Member]

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