[Faghul133]

Would appreciate if females would answer to this too. As they would understand this better.

I met this girl 2 years ago, we spoke here and there and agreed to go on a date 2gether after getting it off in the club. Our first date wasn’t that great. I then texted her few days after just a casual Hey text with no response, I left it. Then few weeks later she messages me on my bbm & says hey how are you, I reply to her but I get no response. I left it there. We stopped talking for a long time. She then texts me sometimes randomly which I respond to her but conversation wouldn’t go for long, she would mention its been a while, long time.She came out with friends and we all had some drinks at the bar, we got off there too. We were together the whole night more or less. We left on good terms and we agreed to meet up and thought we should give it another try, she however didn’t make it that day, cancelling out with some excuses. I told her I was quit disappointed and I ignored her messaged excuse. 2 weeks goes by or so and I receive a long apologetic message and as I still liked her I thought maybe she means it. We met up had some drinks went out, had fun, we had sex and she mentioned that she liked me. We would exchange positive, flirty, teasing messages from time and time and agreed to meet up again. That date was also casual as we seem to be more comfortable, she spoke about some issues she was experiencing. We ended up kissing later and I remember while having my arms round her she quickly held my hands and played with it while we spoke. We ended the night as she was tired and she did mention how tired she was before we met. I asked whether she would like to stay round as it was vlate, she preferred 2 go home, she kissed me goodbye. I texted her 2 days later and I received boring replies then she ended up not responding at all. I left it at that.I like her but I know I should not contact her. Whatsup with her, any ideas or what should b done? I particularly don’t want to chase her since she ignored me as it feels she wants to be chased. But what would be the thing to do? I’m assuming she’ll wonder very hard why I haven’t nudged her again since she last ignored me.

[Faghul133]

Hi, by the way the issues she was experiencing were not related to past relationships or guys anything like that, however I don’t think it has any connection to the situation now. Thank you!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It doesn’t sound like you’ve given her the impression that you really want to date her. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re sort of into her, but not that much. [i]She[/i] probably thinks you’re not that into her because you don’t want to chase after her and win her over, and you’ve behaved that way. She thinks you think of yourself as Mr. Right Now — not Mr. Right. In fact, it isn’t clear from your post what YOU want from her…. It really sounds like you’re indifferent, based on your actions. And she’s probably picking that up, too.

I hope that helps.

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[Faghul133]

Thank you for your prompt reply, I think I do make it clear I like her however I have not clearly told her that but with me holding her hand and kissing and asking her whether she preferred to go back to mine should give it away, yes I do like her & I want to know her more but it is fading now and I feel I should move on and see if she replies to my text or contacts me. I do talk to her and I have always maintained communication, I was mostly initiating the date to meet up etc. Our last conversation was bad, she was not talkative at all and she clearly ignored my last text which has caused this scenario, I could feel a sense of uninterested as I actually asked her if she was ok and if she had a good day, no reply!. I feel if I text her again it may show a sign of need or may worsen the situation and she may lose complete interest. I’m trying to show her it doesnt bother me if she doesnt talk to me or want to see me, even though I really like her. I know deep down I’m sure she still has a slight attraction or interest to me, otherwise why kiss me goodbye last time I saw her? Normally girls would hug or kiss on the cheek if they weren’t interested at the end of the date. Chasing after a girl that has ignored you deliberately is difficult for a guy who likes a girl, why would she ignore my text if she liked me? Why doesn’t she contact me knowing she has left me to dry on my previous question/text to her? I was not over-talking or over texting. she must knows from past history i never chased her when she was out of my sight but she did seem to make her way back in (ive known her for 2 years, we had 1 date 2 years ago). Im a bit puzzled on how to approach her now, im very cautious and if anything she has pushed me back, however just days prior to that we were all well. I dont know what has caused her to disappear or why to ignore and act careless -it must be due to that last date clearly? as I did tell her I have stuff on my mind and I personally didn’t really enjoy the date as much as I wanted to, good thing is we ended up holding hands and kissing on her way home – but that was at the end of the date only and she did add on to how bad the nail salon did her nails, which would indicate how she values her image around me, However I did initiate a next date while being with her – she did reply “next weekend” . I appreciate your thoughts/ideas/expertise and I would take your recommendations on this one and see how it goes 🙂

When she ignored my text I did not contact her again whatsoever. One thing I must add is on the date while we were sitting she did show me a text from a guy who was trying to win back [i]her close friend[/i] and he was clearly trying to ask her (my date) to help him win her back, she told me how he should man-up, I took [i]big note of this[/i] as ANY girl talking about someone’s else’s relationship/ or her ex bf is trying to get some sort of understanding on the relationship grounds from her/his date. Is she expecting me to contact her? What must be going through her mind? Is she still interested? These questions I could never answer and I wish I knew.

P.s – apologies for the prolonged text and the complication it may have added!, I really needed to get things clear for you to have an accurate understanding.

Thanks again April!

[Faghul133]

just a brief add on, prior to her ignoring my text asking her if shes ok, she would give me cold/one word answers (i communicated with her 2 days after our date), could she be upset from me, i dont recall doing anything bad. I mean who would do that if they were supposedly interested in someone, especially since she said “next weekend” for another date when I asked her before leaving. With all my knowledge and experience I couldn’t understand it at all, I’ll leave that to you! Thanks again.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re over thinking this and using the details to distract you from the big picture, which is: You want to win her over, and she’s not all in — not by a long shot. Think about what you’d do if you want to win someone over. You’d [i]woo[/i] them. You’d send them cards and gifts, flowers and notes. You’d show them a great date, pick them up, give them a rose. That’s for you to do. It isn’t clear from your posts if you really took her out on dates that made her feel that you wanted to win her over and make her feel special, or if they were more get togethers where you both put in equal energy.

At the same time, you want to be the guy she wants — which means someone who’s not too available and has a lot of other, interesting things going on in your life. 😉

If you don’t think she’s interested in you — and you don’t want to put in the effort, then move on. 😉

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[Faghul133]

I’m not ready to give up completely yet as its the first time she’s ignored me since we’ve been speaking and meeting again
, I do want to try and win her over, but it’s the thought of how, I could just act normal and speak to her again, in which case she could reply or just ignore again, which would give me a clearer indication of whether shes interested, what would you suggest I do in this tricky position? I do want to win her over, I was thinking to completely not contact her, just judging by history between us, she did come back. Any thoughts on what I posted earlier too? What could be going through her head? Does it look like she wants to be chased? Would she mention “next weekend” for nothing? Approach me to kiss me at the end of the date? Bit confused 🙁

I appreciate your thoughts.
Thanks!

[Faghul133]

She has actually texted me today saying “Hey whatsup” while she was at work. I think that’s quite brave of her to, how should I react? What do you think April?

Thanks again, sorry for the hectic thread!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t get the feeling that you’re reading my advice and taking it. 😳 I’ve answered your questions, but you seem to ignore the answers and ask the same questions again. At this point, the best I can do for you besides suggest you re-read what I’ve written to you here and actually use the advice, is to recommend that you buy [b]Date Our Of Your League[/b], the book I wrote for men who want to win with women: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. But… you have to actually read it and take the advice, and use it — change won’t happen without work. 😉

Good luck!

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[Faghul133]

I have been taking ur advise and I agree with you, I really do appreciate it. And I’m going to take it on. I replied to the text very casually however I replied in the evening and her text was in the morning, so I definitely took ages to respond. Strangely and funny enough, she hasn’t responded even though I know she has used her phone so far… Now if she ignores again what is this indicating? Selfishness, attention seeking, wants to be chased? Now the situation has changed slightly due to her texting me today. Really do look forward to hearing from you on this one.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice at this point is that you buy and read [b]Date Out Of Your League[/b], [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It’s going to help you more than I can here, now. 😉 It’s an automatic download, so you can start reading tonight. 😉

Good luck. 😀

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[Ethan Morales]

She’s inconsistent, and that’s the only clear pattern here. One minute she’s texting, kissing you, saying she likes you; the next she ghosts or gives one-word answers. That flip-flop is not mysterious it’s literal inconsistency. People who want to date you reliably make time and effort consistently. Mixed signals are not the same as interest that’s ready to be pursued.

Kissing at the end of a night isn’t a promise. A goodbye kiss feels good in the moment and it keeps options open. It doesn’t mean she’s committed or that she’ll prioritize you. If she wanted to escalate to a real relationship, she’d show that with follow-through: planning, initiating contact, clear replies. She hasn’t been doing that.

You’re doing the right thing by not chasing but don’t confuse passive waiting with strategy. Not texting her again was smart. Chasing will make you look needy and remove your leverage. But a passive “I’ll wait and see” mindset without a boundary where you keep hoping she’ll come around just leaves you stuck. Don’t wait forever; set a personal limit for how long you’ll let this ambiguity hang.

Her talk about other guys or her friend’s situation is not a test it’s data. When she shares stories about other people’s relationships, pay attention to how much emotional bandwidth she has. If she’s emotionally distracted or dealing with stuff, it can explain the ghosting. But it can also be a sign she’s not ready to engage in a steady relationship right now. Neither is your problem to fix for her.

Be direct but low-pressure. If you want closure or clarity, send one clear, non-demanding message: something like, “I like spending time with you. I’m looking for something more than casual. If you’re not on the same page, tell me so I can stop guessing.” That gives her the chance to own it without cornering her. If she responds with commitment, great. If she dodges or disappears, walk.

Don’t lose yourself waiting on maybe. You’ve got value and limited time. If she wants to be with you, she’ll show it. If she doesn’t, move on and don’t reframe her inconsistency as attractiveness or mystery. The healthiest move is to be available but not waiting; pursue people who reciprocate. That’s how you end up in a relationship that actually feels like one.

[Tara]

She likes the attention, NOT YOU. Every time she disappears and pops back up, she’s checking whether you’re still orbiting her. And every time you respond, you confirm you are. She gives you just enough affection to keep you hooked, then withdraws the second she’s no longer bored or lonely. That’s not confusion, that’s manipulation wrapped in casual excuses. You’re clinging to scraps and calling it potential. Stop flattering yourself with fantasies about her, “wondering why you haven’t messaged.” She’s not thinking about you. The minute you stopped being convenient, she lost interest. The correct move is brutal and simple: cut the cord, walk away, and stop mistaking inconsistency for chemistry.

[Sally]

She gives you just enough to pull you in, then disappears the second things get real. That pattern isn’t an accident. Some people like the attention more than the actual connection. They flirt, they sleep with you, they say the right things… but they never actually show up when it matters.

And you’re not wrong for wanting something steadier. You’re just tired of feeling like you’re chasing smoke.

Honestly? You don’t need to text her. Not out of revenge just because she’s already shown you how she operates. If she wants you, she’ll come toward you without you pulling it out of her. And if she doesn’t… at least you stop wasting energy on someone who keeps drifting in and out.

You’re not crazy. You just want someone who doesn’t disappear the minute you stop entertaining them.

[Member]

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