[stelma]

My issue is that I am in a distance relationship (we meet once a month) one year now and he haven’t had sex!!!!! We went on holidays for 5 days, we had bath together, but nothing at all! He didn’t get horny (sorry)! He have discussed this a lot of times and he dodges all the times! He told me once that he didn’t like something I told him, the other time that he didn’t like that there was no mystery, but he says he likes me very much! And my question is : How can I understand that he likes me? He doesn’t even touch me in brest for example, when he tries, he seems very frightened! I don’t know why, I asked him but although he seemed confused too, but he didn’t answered! Now, when we meet, I have stopped talking to him about this! The fact is that he have many other things to discuss too, but in his opinion sex isn’t as important as other things in a relationship and he believes I emphasise a lot on this!
My friends tell me that it isn’t normal but I don’t know what to do, because I love him and I don’t want to leave him because if I do so, I will feel like a traitor to my relationship! I think of sex like we come closer emotionaly, maybe he doesn’t see this the same way!
I also want to add that I’ve graduated university and he hasn’t! It doen’t count to me, but there are some additional information I want you to know! He doesn’t have money, he doesn’t work and probably he doesn’t search for a job, beacause he gets up after 16.00pm !!!!! The fact that he doesn;t have money, means that when we want to meet he asks his mother to give him!!! But his family is in a very bad condition financially, as he told me so! He doen’t own a car to come and see me, but her sister does! He told me he is afraid to drive others’ cars… I don;t have a driver’s license, because although I work I don’t make many money 🙁
In the end, I would like to tell you that he makes me feel inconvenient sometimes about myself! For example he believes sometimes that Ι am ironic, maybe I am, to him, not to others as far as I know!
I don’t know what to think, because some of my friends believe that he is gay.. I tried to break up with him, I tried to find another guy to fall in love, but I find it very difficult to get over him….
Thank you in advance for your response and for your time to read al this text!!!!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[stelma]

I am 27 and he is 35

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Thank you for the extra information! It definitely helps.

So, the question is, at age 27, why do you want to date a 35 year old man who doesn’t have a job and asks his mother for money to take you out on a date, and after a year, isn’t interested in you sexually? The questions you’re posing about him, should be turned around. He’s obviously got lots of problems, but if you’re educated, working, 27 and attractive, why would you waste an entire year in a long distance relationship with someone who doesn’t have anything to offer? My advice is to stop trying to convince yourself that you’re confused — you’re not. There is nothing confusing going on here. If you want a healthy, romantic relationship with a man, that may lead to marriage, this guy is never going to be the one to give that to you.

My advice is to stop wasting time with him and move on. But next time around, don’t wait a year to decide if a guy who is unemployed, asking his mom for date money and uninterested in sex, is Mr. Right. Decide more quickly so you can find someone who is. 😉

I hope that helps.

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[stelma]

Thank you for your advice, it was really helpful!! I know that it has to be with myselfconfidence, because if I believed in myself, I wouldn’t have been involved in such a relationship!! I’ve tried to find a way to understand me and believe in myself with some help from psychologist, but I don’t have much money now!
My noyfriend says that a super market is going to open next to him, but although that means that he will have his own money, he does’t refer to coming next to my town..
I write to you in reply to ask you to give me strengh to leave, because even though there is no sex between us, I find myself very unable to get over him!! I know the arguments you already told me, but I’m very sensitive, I don’t like being alone and I haven’t found someone else to give attention to me.. 🙁 🙁

Thank you so much!! Congratulations for your effort to give power to people!!!!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I don’t have to give you strength — [i]you have it[/i], [b]but[/b] [i]you have to use it[/i]. It’s fine to want to be in a relationship, but you could do so much better for yourself, with very little effort. 😉 People stay in bad relationships out of fear — of rejection, of being alone, of failure….. and they waste time in the wrong relationships, and wind up — you can guess it, I bet: alone.

The thing is it’s hard to find Mr. Right if you’re not single, and as long as you’re staying with Mr. Wrong to avoid being single, you will have a hard time finding Mr. Right. It’s a bad cycle and until you find the courage to decide to find a great guy — even if it means you have to do the work to do so — you’ll stay with this guy, in an unhappy relationship.

You don’t need a psychologist for this. You need to start changing your behavior. You can do it — if you decide to. 🙂

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