[Kpopgurl88]

Me(27) and my now ex boyfriend(30) went out for a year and six months. At first everything was fine and passionate. He was my first in everything: my first boyfriend, my first kiss…everything. I am however not his first which didn’t bother me. Everyone has a past and it didn’t matter to me since what matters was that we loved each other now in the present. We talked about marriage in the future and how we were definitely each others last till death do us part(corny I know). He was with me during my hardship(I had to get a discectomy from a ruptured disc) and I was with him during his random ptsd antics(he’s a veteran). I truly loved him including the demons he had stored up. His imperfections were still lovable to me.
5-6 months into the relationship, he quit his job since the hard labor was giving him severe back problems. So I told him to just concentrate on his career path and go to school. He then later tells me he had to take a break from school as well and that he would not be receiving any money from the government since he had to stop school. I understood and said it was okay…everyone has their ups and downs and cheered him up. So I said let’s not go out for dates and instead just stay indoors and save money(since I am pretty much broke as well).
I think at this point we got too comfortable with each other. Our one year was coming up so I got excited and decided to make a present(cheap and thoughtful): A scrapbook. But a week before our one year he said he wouldn’t be able to do anything for our one year so no presents or anything. I felt a little hurt but said it was okay that I understood and held off giving him the scrapbook(I didn’t want him to feel guilty or anything). Our one year passed and valentines came up. I decided to make a bouquet out of small chocolate candies I bought from the grocery store(again cheap and thoughtful) and a handmade card. He arrived at my apartment and was happy with the chocolate. But he said sorry he couldn’t get me anything. Again it upset me but I said it was okay. What I couldn’t understand is that he buys 5 to 10 dollar vape juice(about 3 different flavors) every week yet he couldn’t even take his time to make a handmade card? Never heard of ‘it’s the thoughts that count?’ After thinking about it, I thought I was being shallow so I stopped being upset.
He then started to work under his brother in laws company(hard labor) which I didn’t understand since he quit the other job because of that reason. His explanation was that he is helping out a family. Okay understandable. But I told him just help him out to a certain amount and instead concentrate on going back to school. He just says okay and that was it. He pretty much hates his brother in law; his family uses him and he just lets it happen. It hurts me to see that yet he thinks I’m just nagging at him. So I stopped. His work then turned into almost 12 to 14 hrs a day 6 days a week; getting paid only 100 a day. I told him it was unfair for him but he always brushed it off. “I’m helping out family.” =/
During our 1 year and 4 months(around march) we got into an argument about him neglecting me. He visits on the weekends but he just stays awake for an hour then sleeps. I let him since I know how tired he is from working all day. The next night I would ask him let’s walk to the park and star gaze and instead his reply is “I’m tired babe.” I was trying to plan a cheap date and do things we used to do but he always brushed me off. I told him I never asked him to buy me things, use money on me or go on expensive dates. All I wanted was his time. Does it cost a lot to go on a walk with me? I was really upset. When it comes to intimacy whenever he wanted to do things I give him what he wants. But whenever I wanted to be intimate, he pushed me away saying “I’m tired.” It really really hurt getting pushed away like that. Was I disgusting?
After explaining all that, he said he understood and said he’ll try his best and to forgive him. He asked me to give him a chance to prove himself. I did without a second thought. For a month he did go on a date with me twice. Small dinner and a little walk here and there. His intimacy however wasn’t improving that much. Nonetheless I still loved him.
On our last month, his intimacy still didn’t improve. I was getting sexually frustrated. Whenever he was horny, he asked and I helped. But when I start something with him, his excuse again was “I’m tired” and kind of pushes me away. I felt used like I was a sex toy and was extremely hurt. I stopped talking to him for about a week. During that one week he didn’t ask me at all what was wrong…nothing. All he needed to do was ask me three words: What’s Wrong Babe?
Finally I got fed up with it and called him out. He came out and I broke it off with him giving him his clothes. I cried my heart out asking him if he understood how it felt getting pushed away. The feeling he gave me when he pushed me away. I told him he was selfish when it came to his needs and didn’t consider mine at all. He stayed quiet. I asked “you have nothing to say to me?” and his reply “no~ you pretty much made up your mind right?” I was disappointed and just drove off. He didn’t bother to stop me…nothing.
Two days later, I realized maybe I should’ve just talked it out with him instead of the stunt I pulled. So I called him out again and apologized. I asked him if we could start anew and he told me he needs time. We talked more and found out he was hiding things from me. His school was under investigation that’s why he couldn’t go to school(why couldn’t he just tell me that). He was feeling insecure about his age after he turned 30(early midlife crisis honestly) and that he thinks he won’t get to be a cop. I told him age don’t matter in the police academy and that he could do it but he ignored me. I cried again saying the time he needs means no right? And he goes no I really do need time and not to cry. “we’ll keep in touch.” I drove home with some hope. But no text from him. I tried to keep in contact but instead he gives me cold replies. I asked him out again and we hung out. Again he said “I know it hurts but give me time okay?” Laughed off some jokes with me then parted ways. No text. For two weeks it was like this. I tried to contact him one more time and determined that this was going to be the last time. I messaged him if he could hang out with me. He coldly replied back that he didn’t want to see me and that his feelings changed. I asked him what made him come to that conclusion? All he said that “he was devastated when I left him and because of that his feelings changed.” I told him “I understand why he would be upset with the stunt I pulled and I’m sorry but all relationships go through difficult times and we need to just lean on each other and pulls things through together. Please don’t give up on us. Give us another try” His answer “sorry but no.” I didn’t pry anymore and just ended our messages by saying that we’ll stay as friends. He didn’t respect me enough to end it in front of me? He had to do it through text? What was I to him…..Why is it that his previous girlfriends who cheated on him and stabbed him(he had crazy exes) gets second chances and up to 4 chances and yet he doesn’t give me a second glance. I thought I was a good girlfriend not perfect but a least a loving understanding girlfriend…..but this made me think twice since I wasn’t worth a second chance right? We rarely fought and our compatibility was to the point where our friends were envious. Yes I lost my temper and pulled a regretful stunt…but I was loyal and loved him dearly. Our love wasn’t worth a second chance?
I cried my heart out that night. The man I thought was the one…the one who wouldn’t hurt me…the one who I finally opened up to…did exactly the thing I was afraid of. Left my heart into a million pieces.
I deleted him from facebook and instagram the first month but re added him when he wanted to stay friends. It hurt but I thought I would eventually move on…or tried to.
Two weeks later(a month after break up and now on a self-love vacation in another country), I check facebook to see what my sister tagged me on. The first thing that popped onto my newsfeed is a post where he was flirting with another girl. I was heartbroken again. He moved on already after one month? I was hurt and angry. He said I was the one he wanted to marry yet he could move on from me just like that? I checked out one picture of the girls and found out he started talking to her around May(when we were still going out). I don’t know if they were friends before since I always trusted him and never bothered to stalk his friends. After we broke up, it seems like he talked to her more. This opened my eyes. Now I was 100% determined to move on.
Now it’s coming up to 2 months and he has been liking all my instagram photos this month(especially since I deleted him again on facebook after seeing that flirting post). I think he still likes a few of the girls post but don’t seem to talk to her? Who knows since they could be talking on message or text right? But the thing is he rarely went on instagram and he’s on it every single day? Liking my photos? Now all of a sudden after a month, he deleted his account. Instead of just unfollowing me he deletes the whole account. What is he trying to do confuse the heck out of me? His sisters still randomly talk to me and now one of his friends text me out of the blue. These feelings are starting the annoy the crap out of me now….
I know he finds girls easily after a break up. So that hurts too. Maybe that girl is gonna be a rebound? But I heard that rebound relationship happens because the person him/herself is insecure and wants attention. Is this true?
Sigh~~ I just want to hear any opinion about my story. Was I 100% wrong? Why is he liking my photos all of a sudden when he coldly brushed me away like that? Just any advice would be greatly appreciated. I’m sorry for this being a really long story. Writing all this out helped me a lot more than I thought.
Honestly I have been moving on. Slowly but surely. I’m telling myself I deserve better than this. A man who would love me no matter what demons I have…even during my stupid temper fit when I get frustrated. I deserve a relationship where I don’t feel so lonely and neglected like how I felt the last 5 months of this relationship. It’s better to be single than to be in a relationship where you feel lonely even with the person is right next to you. Such a horrible feeling.
I guess all I want is some opinions on this so it could give me closure and help me move on. Like a slap on the face so I could come back to reality lol.
Please help~

[AskApril Masini]

He’s your first — but not your last! 😉 First boyfriends have special meaning, but very few of us wind up with our first boyfriends. I think you’ve been overly involved, emotionally, with a guy who, for some time now, is just not into you. You’re hanging onto old promises and old feelings that he no longer has, and his behavior no longer allows you to believe. But you’re having trouble letting go.

The bottom line is that he’s been rejecting you for a long time, and because you didn’t accept the rejection, and kept making things “okay”, he had to bring more and more uncomfortable rejection until he finally made it clear he’s not going to be with you again. Yes — it would be awesome if everyone who broke up with someone had grace, generosity of spirit and a clear articulation of their feelings. But life is rarely like that. People don’t always have the tools to break up well, so they do the best they can. That’s what he did. You have closure, now you have to accept that he’s moved on.

Rejection is uncomfortable and painful, but it’s also a gift. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you — so accept the rejection as a direction. You need to move away from him, start dating again, and find someone who’s into you. You will find your Mr. Right, but first, you have to move on from this break up.

Let me know how things go.

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[Kpopgurl88]

Thank you so much for responding back~~ I really appreciate it 🙂 I am slowly moving on…taking it day by day. But the weird thing is he reactivated his instagram and started liking my pics again and now sent me a friend request on facebook. Why is it that when I’m trying to move on and he pulls this on me? =/ if someone deleted me on facebook, I wouldn’t send him/her a friend request. It’s more of a good riddance you know? But that’s just me~…
Thank you again for your advice ^^

[AskApril Masini]

People are funny about social media. He may have sent you a friend request on social media, after you deleted him, to see if you’re really done with him on social media or not. But don’t confuse his interest in being a Facebook friend with his interest in having a relationship. Lots of times people want to break up, but still remain social media friends. The most important thing here is YOU, however. 🙂 You should stay focused on what YOU want for the kind of relationship and life YOU want to have. 😉

Hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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[Kpopgurl88]

I see~ basically I guess I still have some hope deep inside that I’m reading way too much into this thing….. 🙂 you think it’s best if I don’t accept it until I have truly moved on? I honestly think I’m at the acceptance stage just need a little more push before the last stage sets in but I don’t want this move to set me back~ ^^; anyways thank you for being there with me through this hard time~ I really appreciate all the advice you gave me 😀

[AskApril Masini]

In answer to your question, I do think you should not accept his friend request. You need to do what’s best for you and moving on is going to be more difficult for you than it is for him because you’ve been more emotionally invested than he has. Do whatever is going to help you be healthy and happy in the big picture, focus on living a happy and healthy life. Maybe one day you can be in each other’s’ social media circles, but for now, you have to focus on moving on and dating other people. Reconnecting with him on social media isn’t going to help you with that goal. 😉

Let me know if you need anything else, and check in with me to let me know how things go.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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[PassionSeeker]

I can feel how deeply this breakup affected you especially since he was your first everything. You gave your heart fully, and that makes the loss even harder. But April was right: he’s been pulling away for a while, and you’ve been holding on to who he used to be, not who he’s showing you now. That’s why you keep searching for meaning in his likes, messages, and online gestures you’re hoping they mean he still cares. But if he truly wanted to come back, he’d say so directly, not through social media crumbs.

Right now, the kindest thing you can do for yourself is protect your peace. Don’t accept his friend request yet. Let yourself heal without constant reminders of him. When you stop checking for signs from him, you’ll start rediscovering yourself your worth, your joy, and your strength.

You weren’t wrong for loving him so deeply, but it’s time to give that same love to yourself. You deserve someone who stays not someone who confuses you.

[James Smith]

Alright, I have to admit, reading your story felt like watching one of those slow-burn K-dramas where the guy disappears for five episodes and then shows up again just to like an old selfie. I once had an ex do that—she blocked me everywhere, then a month later reacted to my dog’s photo with a heart emoji. I didn’t know if she missed me or wanted custody of the dog. 😂

Your ex sounds like the kind of guy who doesn’t want to be with you but also doesn’t want *anyone else* to have you. Liking your photos and sending that friend request? Classic “let’s keep her orbiting me” move. It’s ego, not love. You’re doing the right thing by focusing on yourself, because every like he drops is just bait trying to pull you back into the same loop you’ve already escaped.

Be honest with yourself though—when he pops up again, does a small part of you still want him to?

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing you gave that man love, patience, and grace, but he gave you excuses. You carried the relationship while he coasted on comfort. That imbalance wears anyone down. You weren’t wrong for wanting effort or time that’s the bare minimum, not a luxury.

When he said his feelings changed after you broke up, that was just an easy exit line. Truth is, his heart was already drifting before that fight. He checked out emotionally, and the new girl? That’s likely a rebound a distraction from facing his own guilt and failure.

As for the likes on your photos, that’s not love it’s ego. He wants to know he still has a place in your head. Don’t give him that power. You’ve already seen what happens when you love harder than you’re loved back.

You said it best yourself it’s better to be single than feel alone next to someone. Keep that energy. Heal, rebuild, and don’t chase closure from someone who couldn’t give you clarity when it mattered. Closure isn’t something they hand you it’s something you claim when you decide you’re done bleeding for someone who wouldn’t even bring a bandage.

[Tara]

He was gone long before the breakup. You were busy patching holes while he was already halfway out the door. You didn’t want too much. You just wanted effort. He couldn’t even give that. That’s not love. That’s laziness.

You kept waiting for him to wake up, to care, to fight. He didn’t. Because he didn’t want to. He enjoyed the comfort of your loyalty without giving you anything real in return. That’s not a relationship. That’s emotional theft.

He moved on because he had already detached. That’s why he looked calm after it ended. You were grieving something he stopped feeling months before. The girl he’s with now isn’t some grand romance. She’s a distraction. Let her have the leftovers.

[Sally]

He was your first for everything, and you kept trying long after he stopped meeting you halfway. Anyone would be heartbroken after giving that much.

But the truth is he checked out way before the breakup. He stopped showing up, stopped listening, stopped caring about how lonely you felt. You weren’t wrong for wanting time, love, and intimacy. You were just with someone who didn’t have it to give anymore.

When you left, he treated it like his exit. The girl he flirted with right after? That’s him trying to fill a void, not some grand love story. And the likes on your photos weren’t him wanting you back just him easing guilt and seeing if you still care.

You weren’t the problem. You just outgrew a relationship that was already dying.

Keep going. You’re already moving on, and that’s the part that matters.

[Natalie Noah]

You loved with everything you had, and that matters. You showed up for him when he was hurting, you gave patience and care, and you don’t lose that because this relationship ended. Grief after a breakup with someone who was your first and who shared real intimacy with you is big grief it’s normal to feel shattered, betrayed, angry, and also bewildered when he moves on quickly. Those feelings don’t mean you did anything wrong; they mean you’re human and you invested your heart.

His behavior shows the real story. Repeated emotional distance, one-sided intimacy, not responding when you withdrew, admitting “my feelings changed” after you confronted the problem these are all ways of saying he wasn’t able or willing to meet you where you needed him. The fact that he forgave bigger offenses from past partners but couldn’t work through this with you isn’t a measure of your worth; it’s a measure of his limits and choices. You deserved someone who fought for you, not someone who left the work of the relationship to you alone.

Social media games, liking photos, deleting accounts, sending friend requests are painful, yes, but they’re also confusing theater. People do these things for many reasons: curiosity, ego, guilt, or wanting to keep a door slightly ajar. Don’t let his toggling control your healing. The healthiest move for you is to create distance: don’t accept friend requests or re-add him, mute or block if seeing him online pulls you back into hope or hurt. Protect your daily emotional bandwidth; that’s where real recovery starts.

Be gentle and active with yourself. Grief needs rituals a letter you don’t send, a weekend away, a new hobby, or a small challenge that proves you can take care of yourself. Rebuild small routines that belong to you alone. When loneliness strikes, call a friend, go for a run, draw, or make a tiny plan for the week that excites you. Each small yes to yourself rebuilds trust in your future and gradually shifts your identity from “someone in love with him” to “someone who loves herself.”

Keep your standards clear. You said you want a relationship where you’re seen, chosen, and prioritized. Hold onto that. When you’re ready to date again, use this as a filter: does he make time for you? Does he respond with care when you’re upset? Do his actions match his words? You deserve the kind of partnership where effort is mutual. Right now, your task isn’t to win him back, it’s to become so steady and confident in your own life that the right person will want to be the one who stays. I believe you’ll get there, one steady step at a time.

[KeishaMartin]

You were everything a man could ever want in a partner, loyal, understanding, sexy in all the right ways, and giving love without strings attached. And what did you get? Cold shoulder, excuses, and a heartbreak delivered like a text message. That isn’t rejection, that’s someone too weak to meet a woman like you halfway. He played you like a backup plan while pretending you were his forever. Let me tell you, the second he started liking your pics and sliding back into your digital life, it wasn’t love, it was ego, insecurity, and a little “let’s see if I still have you” game. Don’t fall for that trap, your heart is a luxury item, not a clearance rack.

Your frustration and heartbreak? 100% valid, fiery, and spicy as hell. You wanted intimacy, attention, and a partner who would fight for you as fiercely as you loved him. Instead, he gave crumbs and walked away from a queen who would’ve moved mountains for him. Honey, the lesson here isn’t that you were too much, it’s that he was not enough. He’s lucky he even got a glimpse of your devotion, because most men would kill for a partner with your loyalty and fire. And props to April Masini for always cutting through the BS, her advice is like a hot poker in the dark: painful, honest, and exactly what you need to wake up and smell your own power.

Let’s get a little naughty and festive with this. This Christmas? Don’t waste your heart on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. Go to those Christmas parties, sip that mulled wine, laugh until your cheeks hurt, and maybe enjoy a little spicy flirtation or two. And if he shows up in your periphery like some regretful ghost? the kind that frees you for someone who will treasure every ounce of your love.

[Member]

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