[Love2bLoved]

[color=#4080BF]I have been engaged for nearly a year to a really great guy and we are very much in love. We are in our mid 50’s and had previous long term relationships. He was burned really bad by all his past long term relationships and he can’t open up his heart and give his all to me, like I give my all to him. He gives our dogs and friends more attention and affection than he does me. When I asked him why he can’t show me the same affection and attention, he said, “I haven’t even known you a year.” I am everything he has ever wanted and he is very happy with me and our sex life; but sex is not a top priority for him and I am the opposite. I do give him affection and he loves it yet he has a hard time giving it to me. I have talked to him about all of this; but it seems to go right over his head, most of the time. He looks at me funny when I talk about sensuality, passion and intimacy. I know his parents were “stand offish” people and not affectionate with each other and I never saw my parents cuddle and be playful yet I am very affectionate and was also physically abused for 27 years by my EX! I believe in living and loving now and not putting off what may never be. How can I help him understand there is a big world of love in our relationship, that he is missing. What to do, what to do?[/color]

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You can’t make someone be who they’re not. It’s easy for you to understand what you want, but when you tell him (and I’m sure from your post that you’re articulate with him), it goes over his head, in your words. Not surprising. He isn’t someone who’s affectionate or sexual the way you are. If after a year, at his age of 50, he’s not who you want him to be, stop expecting him to suddenly become someone else. You’re going to make yourself crazy.

Decide if you want to spend your life with him as he is, or not. But don’t take him on as a project. You may be able to get him to wear better ties, but you’re not going to get him to become warm and fuzzy. He’s not that guy.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes.

And I hope you’ll also follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. 🙂

[Love2bLoved]

[color=#8080FF]April, thank you so much for your honesty. I understand what you are telling me and I am trying very hard to face the truth yet I do have faith that things will get better. He is trying and showed me more affection the last two days as a result of something I told him. I was very depressed and he wanted to know what was wrong and I told him I felt what I tell him goes in one ear and out the other, that I didn’t want us to fuss and that I didn’t know what I was going to do. About 15 minutes later he stopped what he was doing, came and sat down right by me and we cuddled. I did look him in the eyes and thanked him for making the effort, that it made me feel so much better and that it was exactly what I needed…an affection fix. He perked up and our evening turned out really nice. He wants to do better I just think, like his siter told me, he doesn’t know any other way and that I need to show him and tell him what I want. I am willing to continue to love him and ask for affection and I really feel in my heart he can become a more affectionate person, because I know for a fact people can change if they want to bad enough…I have witnessed it and I know he wants to make me happy and in turn he will be happier too. His sister also told me he is reluctant in many ways because of the women in his past that used him and hurt him so much. He told me I am his Angel and that I am healing him. Now THAT is a great compliment. Thanks again for your advice, God bless you! 😀[/color]

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you were physically abused by your ex [i]for 27 years [/i] 😯 that means you have a history of staying in a relationship that is not good for you. 😳 If your fiance gives [b]your dogs[/b] more affection than he does you 😕 according to your post, then you have to make sure you’re not wasting another 27 years with the wrong guy. Be careful! ❗

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