[Cos24]

Okay, so I just recently starting dating this guy that I really like. He’s been my crush for years and I’m glad we’re together, but one of the problems that I’m beginning to notice is that we barely get to see each other for maybe an hour or two a week. This is a result of our scheduling issues with work, but mostly he is very obedient to his highly overbearing parents?
Like, we have made multiple plans to see each other and he has cancelled almost every time because his mom and step-father have asked him to do chores, or things that I feel could have waited until a later time. I don’t know a lot about what their family dynamic is(I’ve met them and I know that they are not medically disabled or sick), but I feel like his parents are very inconsiderate of the plans that he makes and the things he chooses to do. They don’t even take into account that he has his own life that they are keeping him from. On the night of our first date, he was an hour late because he had to clean the house before he could leave.
I don’t really know what I should do, I know that it isn’t really my place to comment on his personal family issues but at the same time I feel like it’s really going to take a toll on our relationship if he keeps canceling our plans on me because his mother wants him to clean the house, or she’ll spring up some random chore for him just as he’s about to leave.
I feel like I’m not even in an adult relationship. I’m just not sure I know how to handle this situation. He has noticed that I get upset over our plans being cancelled every time, yet he hasn’t really addressed it. So how should I bring this up without being rude, or seeming like I am trying to pry into his family life? I would hate to have to break things off with him, but this is ridiculous.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

And does he live with his parents?

[Cos24]

I’m sorry I forgot to mention. We are both 25. He does not live with them.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Thanks.

Since he’s living on his own, and is 25 years old, I don’t think you should blame his parents. He’s an adult with choices. If he chooses to clean his parents house and therefore show up one hour late for your first date, that’s his choice. 🙄 And if he cancels dates at the last minute and puts other non-emergent chores ahead of his time with you, he’s not that into you. 😳 Instead of complaining about his behavior, change yours. 😉 Don’t wait around. If someone is consistently disrespectful of your time, don’t enable that behavior. Go out and do things on your own, or date other guys who are respectful and into you. 😉 Probably not what you wanted to hear, but it’s hard to hear you sound like a victim. You’re not. 🙂 Next.

[Cos24]

That is very true. Thank you so much. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome.

[Sally]

You waited years to finally be with him, and now it feels like you’re dating his parents’ schedule instead of him.
The hard part is this isn’t really about them. It’s about him not setting limits. Adults with overbearing parents usually don’t mean to hurt anyone, but the result is still the same: you keep getting pushed aside. And that wears on you fast.

You’re allowed to say how this affects you without attacking his family. Keep it simple. Tell him you like him, but the constant canceling makes you feel like an afterthought. See how he responds. Not what he promises, but what actually changes.
If nothing changes, this is likely what the relationship will always feel like. And it’s okay to admit that’s not enough for you.

[Tara]

You are not dating an adult man, you’re dating a compliant child who needs permission to exist. His parents are not “overbearing”; he is weak, passive, and perfectly willing to let you be the thing he cancels instead of the thing he prioritizes. Adults who want relationships make time. Period.

They don’t show up an hour late because mommy needed the baseboards wiped. They don’t repeatedly cancel plans and then act surprised that you’re upset. And the fact that he notices your frustration and still does nothing tells you everything you need to know about his spine nonexistent.

Stop framing this as a family issue. It’s not. This is a character issue. His parents only have power because he hands it to them, and right now he’s choosing comfort, obedience, and avoidance over you every single time. You’re asking how to bring it up “nicely” because you’re afraid of sounding demanding, but here’s the reality: if you have to compete with chores for attention, you’ve already lost. This won’t magically improve. Today it’s cleaning the house; tomorrow it’s every major decision in your life being filtered through his parents’ approval.

[Serena Vale]

Here’s the truth: this isn’t really about his parents. He’s 25 and lives on his own. If he keeps cancelling on you, that’s his choice. When a man wants to see you, he finds a way, chores don’t magically stop that.

You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for basic respect and consistency. And right now, he’s showing you where you fit on his priority list.

You don’t need to argue or criticize his family. Just say, calmly, that cancelled plans make you feel unimportant, and then watch what he does, not what he says.

And if you’re unsure, honestly… ask April. She’ll tell you the same thing: don’t wait around for someone who keeps choosing other things over you.

You deserve an adult relationship, not one you have to beg into existence.

[Member]

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