[hms19]

I’ve been dating a woman for 2 yrs now, she’s 24 with 2 children from previous partners, I’m 26. We’ve had a rough past few months because I have been unemployed and bills were getting harder to pay.I have a new job that starts in 2 weeks and have watched the kids countless times so she could go to work, and to let her go out with her girlfriends. We have had a few shouting matches lately, and the last one was the worst yet. We’ve agreed to live seperately so we can have a chance to date and miss eachother. Now, her ex husband was extremely hateful during the divorce and custody battle, and I helped her out in order for her to get an attorney. She recently posted a picture of her son on Facebook with the caption saying “he’s so smart, he’s just like his daddy lol”. Granted, they are on good terms now, but he did some very hateful things in the past and I will never respect him. She has never put anything like this online before, and she deleted old captions that said similar things from years past. When I saw the picture and the caption, I was stunned. I told her about it and she got mad at me, saying I’m selfish and I need to get over myself. Am I wrong for feeling this way? What would make her think about her ex,? Yes, that’s his and her son, but she used to absolutely hate him and I don’t blame her. I feel like with the way things are going, a breakup is coming. There’s no affection, no respect, no love, no romance. She’s more interested in where she’s going out with her girlfriends rather than the relationship. I’m hurt by what she’s done. Are my actions wrong? I don’t want to end it because I want us to have a family and my new career will make things much easier financially. Any help or suggestions?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Dating a single parent is not for everyone! It’s a lot more complicated than dating someone without children, simply because there are fewer people involved.

Her two children have two fathers who will be part of their lives (and therefore hers, too) forever. It’s always a bad idea to speak ill of a child’s parent in front of them, and it’s good practice not to do so behind the kids’ backs, too. Also, you need to understand that she needs to have a good relationship with her exes because of the co-parenting they need to do. It’s never perfect, but if both parents (and stepparents) strive for the best for the children, they can have a good situation for everyone. But it can be bumpy along the way.

If she posts something about her ex-husband in the context of her child, it’s a lot different than her saying she wants to get back together with her ex. It’s about the child and the parents of the child. I know this is hard to understand and accept, but it’s important.

As for the rough patch — it’s understandable to have a rough patch when you’re unemployed and the bills are piling up, and you’re living with and dating a single mother of two! That’s a lot for anyone to handle. However….. if there is, as you say, no love, no respect, no affection and no romance….. that’s a lot of missing ingredients! You’d hardly expect a cake to taste edible without flour, sugar, eggs and salt.

If you want to try to make things work, then you have to muster up patience, look at the big picture, and break the pattern you’re both in of moving away from each other.

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[hms19]

Thank you for your response April. I believe I do need to have more patience when it comes to issues with her ex’s. I feel, however, that I need to put myself first. She has changes recently, always hanging out with her girlfriends when she used to want to spend time with me. She always goes out partying because I guess she hasn’t done it in a while…but she never really wanted to. But when she comes home from work, she is glued to her phone, constantly texting yet she says she’s exhausted. Now, we thought it would be a good idea to live apart for a short while, but she is thinking of moving in with one of her good guy friends. I’ve met him and he’s nice and has a girlfriend, but I know how men think and I’m not comfortable with it. She really has nowhere else to go and it would give her a chance to save some money because she needs a new car. I’m not comfortable with her moving in with another man, even if they’ve been friends for a while. Guys, girls, anyone have an input? Would you be ok with your partner moving in with they opposite sex to save money and give us space?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s definitely not a good idea for your relationship to take a break from a relationship, during which time your girlfriend and her children move in with another guy. 😯 If you’re on a “break”, be prepared for her to date other people. 😕

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